https://www.bluestoriesproject.com/home daily 1.0 2023-01-18 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/1619993531020-YTG66IXHWXO61WB8Q29G/image-asset.jpeg Home - Nau mai, haere mai, welcome to the Blue Stories Project. Our kaupapa is to create a culture of supporting women and their families throughout Aotearoa New Zealand. Ki te kotahi te kākaho, ka whati; ki te kāpuia, e kore e whati. When we stand alone we are vulnerable, but together we are unbreakable. by Kīngi Tāwhiao https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/fac8c3bc-0b62-483f-9138-7320e60cc2ee/FOR-WEB---Blue-Stories-Project---photos-forn-Nelson-Library-opening---9th-of-May-2021-%281%29.jpg Home - Make it stand out The Blue Stories Project in collaboration with Perinatal Support Nelson - an opening in Elma Turner Library, May 2021, Nelson https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/91189a73-75a5-42b4-8817-521b4ea2466e/Strip+for+National+Poster+Campaign.jpg Home - Make it stand out Stories from Nationwide Poster Campaign, from left: Paul’s story, Maraea’s story, Jeremy’s story and Xingfang (Rachel) Cai’s story. https://www.bluestoriesproject.com/blue-stories-from-the-nelson-region daily 0.75 2023-02-19 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/1619664021467-F1264XMVHOYK238G1W7F/Kim-Meyer-with-3mm-bleed-for-WEB.jpg Blue Stories from the Nelson region - “Spend time in Nature. Set yourself small goals.” - Kim I had three key people who helped me through. My Mum - who visited often and always bought food and the opportunity for me to catch up on much needed sleep (I was so sleep deprived!). My Husband - who would often message me on his way home from work and tell me to get ready to go for a bike ride. I remember once he literally walked me to the door and told me I was only allowed back after I'd been riding for 20 minutes (knowing full well that by that time I'd probably be enjoying myself again). My amazing counsellor, Helen, at PSN who visited me every week. With her I was able to let out everything I was holding in while I tried to keep going. All of those negative thoughts that keep getting stuck in my head. She realised quickly I was very goal orientated. She helped me set small personal goals, one per day (often something as easy as "have a nap"), a bigger one for each week ("go for a nature walk") and a bigger one for each month ("enter a bike race"). I stuck them on the fridge and my husband helped me follow them. A lot of my goals related to either allowing myself to rest, which I struggle with, or spending time in nature. These things really helped with the loss of identity I was feeling and the fear that I had surrounding my recovery from a birth injury. Kim https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/1620171469470-VX2NSZMF6DGWV5HFH0CA/Lysanne-NO-bleed---for-WEB--.jpg Blue Stories from the Nelson region - “Be kind to yourself. You are enough.” - Lysanne Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/1619665390448-DD9RJXA0SIWMTMEJRQH9/image-asset.jpeg Blue Stories from the Nelson region - “You are not alone. You will get through this. Your life is valuable and you are loved.” - Anonymous Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/1619668212000-1VBX1J0NGFB8GYC8S3RR/image-asset.jpeg Blue Stories from the Nelson region - “Hold on to the things that give you hope.” - Natalie Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/6d9c2b7f-f26d-4433-a6c0-bac4dfb6bb64/Jessica+and+her+child Blue Stories from the Nelson region - “The only mum your child needs is YOU. Not anyone else's version of you as a mother. You may be a mother now, but you were a woman first, and you still are. Don't lose that.” - Jessica I slowly relinquished the expectations I had about what would make me a perfect mum for my daughter. Breast-feeding didn't work for us, neither did cloth nappies, nor did me staying at home with her 100% of the time. Eventually, I realised that the best mum for her, was a mum being her best self, not the one I was seeing in social media who definitely wasn't me. So I started singing again, I started finding babysitters to allow me to leave the house, I switched to formula so that I could share night feeding, and I put her into preschool before she was one so that both of us could thrive.Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. Jessica https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/1619667278347-6HTISH6G8LSNU2E0YI75/image-asset.jpeg Blue Stories from the Nelson region - “There is so much help, support and love for you out in the world. It feels hard to do, but please ask for help if you are struggling.” - Sophie I had postnatal depression after the birth of my first daughter. Our birth experience was quite traumatic and very different to what I had hoped for. I then had real difficulty getting breastfeeding started. My mental state kept going downhill as the weeks and months of sleep deprivation wore on. I was in denial about being depressed for a long time. Then I remember one day having suicidal thoughts and realising that what I was experiencing wasn’t just “the blues”... I was depressed. So I sought help. My GP prescribed me with anti-depressants, which I took for a few months until I felt more able to cope. She also put me in touch with Perinatal Support Nelson, and the most wonderful counsellor came to see me at home for 10 sessions. I then had a further series of counselling with another therapist. It turned out I had PTSD from my birth experience. I was also grieving for my own mother, who died when I was a teenager. Something about becoming a mother triggered a re-opening of that grief. So there were a few layers for me to investigate and work on! My father once said to me “oh yes, your mum was always really bad after each of you were born” and I became determined not to go through the same thing. So I carried on with my healing journey. I found EFT with a skilled therapist immensely helpful. And during my second pregnancy I took a hypnobirthing class, helping me to connect in a more positive way with my own body and move past the trauma associated with the first birth. I am very happy that I did not experience PND after my second child was born. It was a hard road but I’m so glad I did the work and recovered. Sophie https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/1619664838879-T09PUAZZBZE254O5IC8H/Danika-and-Bridget-Square-2.jpg Blue Stories from the Nelson region - “It's not who you really are - it’s just a chemical imbalance that can be cured. So don't feel bad - get help!” - Bridget I didn't really 'get out of it' because I never knew I had it! 25 years ago in the UK no one was talking about PND. I just thought I was a bad person. I tried keeping my unhappiness from my friends and family and isolated myself. Eventually things morphed and life situations changed and I just grew to live with my feelings. The worst thing is the shame that lingers - the shame of being unhappy around a gorgeous new being - the shame of being a bad mum! I live with a sense of regret that I was not able to enjoy those precious years more. Bridget https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/1619694917932-IWT6YHHX7AYAFYEFS5JV/image-asset.jpeg Blue Stories from the Nelson region - “You are perfect as you are. Ask for help if you don’t feel right. You are important.” - Karolina It came to me suddenly, a dark cloud of sadness and negative thoughts which paralysed my body and mind. It came to me during the blessing time of pregnancy. Nearly four years ago I suffered perinatal depression (PND) during the pregnancy of my second child. There was no logic in my thoughts and little energy left to enjoy life. I met the dark side of myself, the black, haunted dog, which didn’t want to live. I was lucky to realise that these feelings weren’t right, as I do love life. I called for help to my GP and then to Perinatal Support Nelson. I went through my therapy with support of my partner, our family and friends. My counsellor listened to me, and questioned my ‘out-speaking’ thoughts. She challenged me with weekly tasks which sometimes made me angry, but then resilient. I had to find myself once again as I felt a strong loss of my identity. I spent lots of time walking as it gave me space and time to think and process my emotions. The physical movement always makes me happy. I’m an active person. I recovered and embraced my love to my children, my partner and to myself. I found unknown strengths in my PND experience. Being a woman, being an emigrant, being an artist and being a mum - it’s who I am. And it’s enough. I had to learn that it was enough, and I had to learn to be happy with it. And I did. Karolina https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/1619668456732-4L5K7QDY09PW8BH3P10G/image-asset.jpeg Blue Stories from the Nelson region - “Keep looking for the right help; not all help is helpful and that's ok.” - Kim It hasn't been a linear journey through PND. It’s not like it just finishes one day and everything is ok. Things change and even though I wouldn't consider myself to be depressed anymore. I still have a lot of repair work to do on my relationships (because I isolated myself and withdrew), myself (cos I can be pretty mean to myself sometimes), my career, which is pretty much down the tubes, and also with my kids cos my depression and anxiety came out as irritability....all this means there's still lots of work for me to do. I found formal support not very helpful personally. An hour of counselling was hard to manage as I had to ask favours for child minding and travel and pack bags and lunches and park and it turned into 2 or 3 hours work then left me emotionally fatigued on top of that. I'm sure it's helpful for some people but I found it difficult being told to prioritize time for myself when there just wasn't any and it came with a perceived high mental labour cost. Now my youngest is in kindy and I haven't been pressured into returning to full-time paid work. I have found a creative outlet which has given me the most healing. I did a night class to learn how to throw pots, which I paid for with my mums credit card... still haven't paid her back actually.... The quiet that filled my brain while I concentrated on centering clay and forming a usable vessel was a really welcome relief. Even when I was resting my mind was doing mental arithmetic; planning for tomorrow, worrying about kids and family, the future, recycling, global warming, shark fin soup and existential dread cos I'm pretty sure there's more to life than searching for domestic bliss from folded washing and a clean bench.... I have always been arty but I felt most of it was a bit too self-indulgent. So pottery is creative and at the end I have a useful thing....which people want to buy... so it’s paying for itself and bringing in a wee bit of income for the family at the same time as melting my brain to a soft spongy content neutral. It’s wonderful. And possibly the only thing that has helped me feel normal again after a long time of PND and subsequent grief from the sudden death of my little brother. I have been making pottery for a year now and I'm really good at it. Check out my page on Instagram- @earthenceramicsaotearoa. Kim https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/928e3c6f-e9e0-4976-af98-89134d45c9fd/Image-1---My-P----150mm-by-150mm-with-3mm-bleed---low-resolution.jpg Blue Stories from the Nelson region - “The thoughts you are having are not uncommon. In fact it’s astonishing how many women have gone through some form of perinatal depression. So ask for help, don’t feel ashamed. And be sure to make some time for yourself and your special ‘fix’.” - Paul It’s hard to really understand what a partner going through parental depression is really thinking. Our children were quite simply bundles of joy and happiness in their infancy (and still are!). We certainly had a lack of sleep and challenges, but to me this was just parenthood and something all parents went through. It was upsetting and frustrating for me. There was no apparent reason for this depression my partner was experiencing and I felt helpless to resolve anything. Looking back, I wish I could have done more. But really, I don’t know what that could have been. I gave all I could. Time, space, love, care. It only helped momentarily. The effects on me were varied. Most of the time I was able to go on and be the parent and partner I needed to be. To care and support was really all I could do. But my own social life and wellbeing deteriorated somewhat because of it. I gave every opportunity for timeout to my partner to get away and clear the head, but to take that time myself was a bit harder considering I already spent 5 days a week 9 hours a day out of the house. I felt I needed to be there as much as I could to help. We didn’t have any mental health support for my partner during the time of our first child. We didn’t even know it was perinatal depression. Looking back, my partner doesn’t remember the joy and happiness I recall. What helped make a difference was when I had a fairly serious and unfortunate accident, which actually set the wheels in motion for change. As a result I was required to stay home for 3 months and it meant that we were all together, all the time, working through parenthood. This time together helped with working out the challenges my partner faced and how to work towards improving things. When we had our second child, a surprise, 7 years after our first, it was met with apprehension by my partner. Loss of freedom, sleepless nights again, etc. This anxiety grew and grew. But we did have support this time. I think our midwife must have put us onto Perinatal Support Nelson. Knowing that my partner was able to speak to someone who knew what she was going through made a huge difference and I didn’t feel so helpless. We were eventually able to move on and enjoy our child’s youth together, while also finding a way to recharge and enjoy our spare time. For me, it was mountain biking. Paul https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/1619663545526-WP9J51M4K9PMK0XIGGMV/Tania-Joy-with-3mm-bleed-for-WEB.jpg Blue Stories from the Nelson region - “Talk, share, seek help. Everyone's experience is different. You will find the best way for you and your family.” - Joy Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://www.bluestoriesproject.com/audio-interviews daily 0.75 2023-02-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/08dd7d48-40f5-4f71-bec0-9b2a87184d47/Treena-Cooper Audio Interviews - Treena Cooper – General Manager at Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Aotearoa (PADA), 2013 - 2022 Treena Cooper, is a Kiwi living in Wellington. Before having her children, Treena trained as a Corporate Travel Consultant and travelled the world with her husband. Treena had her first son when she was 30 and her second son 18 months later. Treena says that, “as a usually patient and happy woman, I was taken aback when I became angry and out of sorts.” Not knowing that postnatal depression can present as anger, she did not seek any support. When Treena’s boys started school, she took on an Administrator role at Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Aotearoa (PADA) and eight years later, she is the General Manager. A large part of her role is facilitating training and education through the PADA seminar series and online chats, along with overseeing the PADA team, connecting with stakeholders and reporting to the PADA Board. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/92d7c627-63c9-47ef-8497-1cbaf80170ce/Janet-Fausett---150mm-by-150mm-with-3mm-bleed---LOW-resolution.jpg Audio Interviews - Jane Fausett – Peer Support Facilitator at Well Women Franklin Jane Fausett is a mum to three daughters and a son, now aged between 15 and 22 years of age. The journey through postnatal depression was at times very challenging for Jane but was also one of great personal growth. This journey enabled an exciting career change when she joined Well Women Franklin as a Peer Support Facilitator in 2013. Over the last eight years, Jane has seen the organisation grow exponentially to where it now supports over 100 women with five group sessions per week. Jane facilitates the peer support groups with two other colleagues, Cathy and Rachel, and Jane and Cathy run the Well Women Telephone Support Service. Jane also offers 1:1 peer coaching services at Well Women, as part of an individualised recovery programme. “It is a privilege to walk alongside courageous mums to support and encourage them on their well-being journey.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/43da7535-4757-43e5-8725-de8e983312e7/Michelle-Hill---150mmm-by-150mm-with-3mm-bleed---LOW-resolution.jpg Audio Interviews - Michelle Hall - Founder and Facilitator of True Colours – Honouring the Mother, a maternal mental health service in Tauranga Ko Waitakere tōku pae maunga Ko Waitemata tōku moana Ko Whau tōku awa Ko True Love tōku waka Ko Patrick Donovan te rangatira o runga Ko Aerana tōku iwi Ko Devey tōku hapu Ko Hall tōku whānau Ko Michelle tōku ingoa Originally from Tāmaki Makaurau, Michelle Hall has called Tauranga Moana her home for the past 16 years and she lives in Welcome Bay with her husband, Robert, and their daughter. Michelle is the founder of True Colours – Honouring the Mother, a mental health service in Tauranga, and is currently studying towards her Applied Masters of Social Work. With an eclectic working background in hospitality, science, health and disability and mental health, Michelle feels passionate about walking alongside women navigating the life changing role of motherhood and assisting their movement from distress to finding their joy. She describes this as her ‘heart work’ as she created the service because of her own lived experience of postnatal depression and the barriers to accessing help, including the societal stigma and shame associated with mental health issues. Funded by the local Primary Health Organisation, True Colours - Honouring the Mother, has been supporting women in the Bay of Plenty for five years and offers a safe space for mothers to connect in their vulnerability. The peer support groups offer connection without fear of judgement or comparison and provide an opportunity to be part of a supportive, empathetic community that understands the profound emotional and social changes, including roles, relationships, and responsibilities, that influence a woman’s emotional wellbeing. Mothers nurture the next generation, making this a sacred and honoured role which can be one of the happiest and most challenging times of a woman’s life. Michelle has witnessed how parental distress during the perinatal period, due to isolation, lack of support and societal expectations, can increase the risk of depression and anxiety, having long term detrimental effects for parents, their babies, their whānau/family wellbeing, and on future generations. Michelle’s Masters research aims to explore how New Zealand society values motherhood by embracing, educating and empowering mothers throughout their perinatal experience and the implications for their wellbeing and maternal mental health. Specifically, it will identify the challenges of and preparation for this transition into motherhood and explore how preventative cultural and holistic approaches are used to support this transition. Ko te whaea te takere o te waka Mothers are like the hull of a canoe, they are the HEART of the family https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/98092703-e70a-4876-b6ac-a002aa1afde0/Joanne-Rama-Taine---150mm-by-150mm-with-3mm-bleed---LOW-resolution.jpg Audio Interviews - Joanne Teina - the Kaumātua and Kaiārahi Māori at Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Aotearoa (PADA) Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/b1dac229-b958-4ce9-9fff-56c408f46a37/Bex---150mmm-by-150mm-with-3mm-bleed---LOW-resolution.jpg Audio Interviews - Bex Deva - Maternal Mental Health Advocate, Co-director of Kindred Studio and the Evolve Festival Bex Deva has been drawn to the cycles and seasons of life since her teenage years, when her work during a fine art foundation course was deeply influenced by the human body and the feminine. A mother of four, Bex knows that the journey of pregnancy, birth and motherhood is life-changing and it has/does provide her with some of her life's most joyous and challenging moments. Acknowledging the magic, significance and challenge in life’s rites of passage, such as birth and mothering, is a passion that keeps Bex growing and glowing. Bex connects with women prenatally and postnatally to support them to find confidence in their own journey, sharing tools that build mind-body connection for wellbeing into motherhood and beyond. Bex co-directs Kindred Studio, a yoga, massage and dance space, and the biennial Evolve Festival, in Nelson, with her husband. Kindred offers classes and courses for Pregnancy and Mums and Bub's Yoga. It also hosts the local CHOICE BABY- Nelson’s Natural Parenting and Home Birth Group’s monthly meetings. Bex also teaches classes and courses in yoga and Nia dance nationally. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/9c43cce3-81c2-4fca-be56-ebdde67817b2/Sela-Hopgood Audio Interviews - Sela Jane Hopgood – Initiator and Creator of A Mother’s Cry Multimedia Project “Mālō e lelei, my name is Sela Jane Hopgood, 30 years old, born and raised in Auckland, New Zealand and of Tongan descent.” Sela is passionate about mental health wellbeing because she has seen the consequences first hand of what happens when someone experiences anxiety, depression and in her case, perinatal depression. Being of Pasifika heritage, people taking care of their mental health and wellbeing is important to her because Pacific people in New Zealand have the highest rates of depression. Sela says that “thankfully for me, I was able to seek professional medical help and have the support of my husband, which has seen me on the road to recovery and enjoying life more, and that has only heightened my passion to share my knowledge on mental health, talk about my experiences and be all ears to listen to people’s stories.” Sela published a multimedia project through RNZ called A Mother’s Cry, which focused on the high rates of perinatal depression among Pasifika mothers in Aotearoa. She created this project to reduce the stigma of this type of depression in her community and to inform others, so that everyone can do their bit to help parents who may find themselves in this position. The project included three lived experiences from Pasifika mothers as well as a first-person account from Sela on what perinatal depression looks like and why it is important to seek professional help, but also confide in someone that is trusted, letting them know what’s going on, so that people can have a support person with them on this journey. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/457e3ab2-3efa-4891-ad8f-f89b44dadbd7/Liz+MacDonald Audio Interviews - Liz MacDonald – Consultant Psychiatrist at the Mother and Baby Service in Ōtautahi Christchurch Liz MacDonald is a consultant psychiatrist with a Postgraduate Diploma in Infant Mental Health. She has worked at the Mother and Baby Service in Christchurch for many years, initially in the outpatient service and for the last ten years in the inpatient service, where she is Clinical Head. She is involved in a number of national and binational groups including the Australasian Marcé Committee. Liz first became interested in the mental health of mothers when she was training in Scotland. It became her favourite area of psychiatry. However, she was dismayed by the ward environment that pregnant women or women with babies were admitted to in the hospital that she trained in - there was a fog of cigarette smoke everywhere, the ward space was shared with very unwell patients who were predominantly male , and there were no specialised interventions. Liz was very impressed to come to New Zealand and Christchurch and see a specialised Mother and Baby service run by very passionate and caring people, where mothers could receive hospital help in a safe way, and in a physical setting that could accommodate babies up to the age of 1 year old. “I feel I have been very lucky to be part of this service over the years, and see the service develop as we understand more about the needs of the infant and the vital role we have in supporting the emotional relationship between parents and their babies,” says Liz. She also notes that the importance of fathers and their own emotional needs have been increasingly understood. “We invite dads (or other key whānau members) to be part of any admission, as much as possible.” Liz says that “it is a privilege to be part of this service, and the work is very rewarding, and never boring! It truly is satisfying to know that we can help mothers navigate a difficult time, and by doing so also ensure the best outcomes for their babies.” Liz is always painfully aware of the limited resources that exist, and the large and often unmet need for women with mental illness in the community who cannot access a service like Mother and Baby - and so she sees advocacy and education as an equally important part of her role. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/8934d3cf-4148-4570-8d8d-38292c1c415c/Angeline-Forlong---Blenheim---150mmm-by-150mm-with-3mm-bleed--LOW-RESOLUTION.jpg Audio Interviews - Angeline Forlong - Integrative Nutrition Health Coach and Chairperson of Maternal Mental Wellbeing Marlborough Board of Trustees (2022) Angeline's passion is seeing people thrive and become the absolute best version of themselves in every area of life. For years she battled with poor self image, lack of confidence and serious mental health issues. She had no zest for life and every day was a struggle. When she hit rock bottom at the age of 26, trying to raise two young boys and keep her marriage alive, she decided that she had to start fighting for a better life and to find a better way. She is so grateful that she did. She discovered a whole person approach to wellness and in 2020 she decided it was time to teach others how to take back their lives and get that zest that makes all the difference to our journeys here in this beautiful and sometimes scary world. She graduated from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition in July of 2021. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/2197cd40-faea-45d9-b96a-b5cf60457d66/Aaron+Agnew Audio Interviews - Aaron Agnew - Clinician with RISE and the Dad’s Program Facilitator Aaron Agnew’s focus has always been helping people to grow and develop. This started with Adventure Therapy and working with groups in the outdoors and progressed from there to studying Counselling and working for the Department of Corrections running programs for men and youth in the justice system. Andrew’s current role is with RISE, a family violence specialist agency. His aim is still the same, to help people develop for themselves and for the people they are connected to. Lately this has been working with dads. Responding to a gap in the community, the Dads’ Program aims to help build confident, connected, compassionate and resilient dads and whānau members for the sake of these men and for their partners and children. Aaron says that “parenting is difficult and we are all equipped in different ways to manage this, by equipping these dads now we hope to equip our future generations for better health and wellbeing outcomes.” Aaron can personally relate as a husband and dad (to twin four year olds). Running this program is a good reminder to himself of the need to manage his wellbeing and be aware of how he parents and relates to his children and wife. He looks after himself through exercise and having adventures in the outdoors (running, mountain biking, tramping and, if possible, surfing). Aaron says that “parenting is a difficult but amazing thing to do. It asks lots of questions of yourself and in turn you ask a lot of questions about your children and frustratingly the answers only come with patience.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/7326720a-23f1-426c-9f0c-644b57fab0c7/Jeremy-Forlong---Blenheim---150mmm-by-150mm-with-3mm-bleed---LOW-resolution.jpg Audio Interviews - Jeremy Forlong - the partner and supporter of someone who suffered perinatal depression Jeremy and his wife were new parents and quickly found themselves struggling. During a conversation with Jeremy’s employer about being unable to come to some work shifts, Jeremy was asked if his wife had PND. He wasn't even aware that was a thing. Once they were in a place where they recognised that the anxiety and depression was there, Jeremy was able to reach out to Postnatal Depression Marlborough and seek an appointment with a lovely counselor, Tatiana. His wife was initially reluctant to attend, but after the session they both felt relieved to know that their experience wasn't unique to just them and that there was support available. The peace and joy in their home dramatically improved after they sought help, their two boys are now both school age and they have been married just over nine years. Jeremy said: “We would like to see awareness of postnatal anxiety and depression increase in the community and among expecting couples. We would also like to see support groups actively engaging these young parents in the community.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/8d4e1cd9-27ad-4a07-9ba1-25171dde5f67/Meagan+Goodwin Audio Interviews - Meagan Goodman (they/she) - a mother sharing her blue story experience Meagan Goodman (they/she) is originally from the US. Meagan moved to Aotearoa in 2011 and has two children, who are five and eight. She is currently finishing her Master's in Psychology and works therapeutically with young people and their whānau. Meagan is queer and gender fluid, and is especially passionate about supporting queer youth in their wellbeing. Meagan suffered from PND with both of her children, which was a lonely, and at times, scary experience. Community, exercise, and nature all helped Meagan through the experience. Now Meagan uses attachment theory in the therapeutic work she does and is particularly interested in supporting families to thrive. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/babd71c3-4d43-435d-9dfd-8699f222d4be/Lisa-Gears---150mmm-by-150mm-with-3mm-bleed---LOW-resolution.jpg Audio Interviews - Lisa Gear - Mental Wellbeing Navigator for the Central Lakes area. Role scoped by Te Hau Toka Southern Lakes Wellbeing Group, contracted through Central Lakes Family Services Lisa Gear is a registered nurse with 30 years experience and a passion for family support and perinatal care. Lisa has a Diploma of Nursing, a Postgraduate Diploma of Health Science and is currently working towards a Master of Nursing (MNurs) – specialising in Perinatal Psychiatry and Infant Mental Health. Lisa is based out of Central Lakes Family Services (CLFS) in Queenstown and sits alongside new and existing clinical roles. She is the Mental Wellbeing Navigator for the Central Lakes, Queenstown Lakes and Fiordland regions - a new role which has been funded by Central Lakes Family Service in response to the Covid-19 pandemic. Lisa’s role involves providing clear pathways to mental health services available within the Central Lakes community, identifying critical gaps and working to connect services to those in need. “After the birth of my second child, I experienced moderate to severe postnatal depression and did not recognise it in myself.” Lisa says that having a clinical background, she found it extremely difficult to reach out for help and assistance and had little knowledge of where to go. She was lucky enough to have a strong family support network, employment situation and clinical help. Lisa says, “I was able to make a full recovery, even going on to have a third uneventful pregnancy and subsequent positive postnatal experience.” This has given her a passion for working with struggling new and expectant parents. In her role as Mental Wellbeing Navigator, she has discovered a real lack of services across the region and very unequitable perinatal services throughout the country. So far, she has been able to develop a support directory of all the perinatal services in the area and connect all the services together. CLFS have also developed a Perinatal Support Programme aimed at supporting parents in the antenatal phase in order to prevent/support continued mental health difficulties after the birth of their babies. Lisa is a strong believer in involving the whole whānau in the perinatal period. “It’s the simple things that make the difference.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/7712c417-282c-42c1-bc5e-228d31efad4a/Brendon-Smith Audio Interviews - Brendon Smith – Paternal Mental Health Advocate Brendon Smith grew up in Manurewa. He was working in engineering sales and had children in his late 30s. One was a happy full term, natural birth and then the next was a tricky ‘placenta previa’ situation where Mum was in National Women’s from 24 weeks. Their baby was born at 31 weeks and was in SCBU for three weeks and, soon after, Brendon became the at-home Dad. He struggled at first and was lost and depressed. Then he found the Father and Child Trust and became their Auckland guy. Brendon has supported many dads and families, hosted the Fathers’ Mauri Ora Circle since 2009 and collated the Why Dads? booklets. He joined PADA in 2012 and he presents at PADA Training Days and at Plunket or Wellchild seminars. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/ab5a1c9a-42db-46be-99e3-a2ffbb5b6ab3/image-asset.jpeg Audio Interviews - Liora Noy - Registered Nurse, Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) and Educator at Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Aotearoa (PADA) Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/5d3a7bce-af77-4648-9045-5f046f16da33/Amy-Plaisted---150mm-by-150mm---low-resolution.jpg Audio Interviews - Amy Plaisted - Midwife and Healing Birth Practitioner "Kia Ora, I’m Amy, a mum of two toddlers, a midwife and a healing birth practitioner." Mental health has always been an area of concern and interest for Amy. After having her first baby, she had mild depression. After having her second, she again sank into depression and anxiety, but this time it was severe. She didn’t want to live, and had intrusive thoughts of harming her son. Appropriate support was almost impossible to find. Thanks to the amazing team at Perinatal Wellbeing, Amy was admitted to the Mothers and Babies ward for five weeks. With the help of her psychologist, medications and an incredible team of family and friends, she got through. A year on from her inpatient stay, and she has hope again. She loves her kids and they get a mum who adores them. Amy was so close to being a statistic, to leaving her husband and children without her. Amy has since completed the healing birth practitioner training, and offers sessions to parents who need to debrief their trauma, offering an empathetic ear and strategies to manage their distress. She uses these skills in her midwifery practice, to support women in making their own choices about birth and parenting. "I think the mental health service in NZ is a long way off being fit for purpose," Amy says. “We need to look after our babies by looking after our parents, to show this generation that it really does take a village.“ https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/1619687707197-Q14ERKG4ZMUCR4XL1LM9/image-asset.jpeg Audio Interviews - Helen Williams - Counsellor and Support Worker at Perinatal Support Nelson (PSN) Helen Williams is a counsellor with a Bi-Cultural Counselling degree and has worked for many NGO'S in the community including Victory Community Centre, LifeLinc, the Women's Centre and Perinatal Support. She also worked at Nelson City Medical for a year and now has her private practice, although she still is connected and works for Perinatal Support and does some work for SASH (Sexual Abuse Survivors Healing) as well. Helen says, “I have been with Perinatal support for 5 years and as well as counselling and supporting the mums, my work has included facilitating groups for mums experiencing postnatal depression and adjusting to becoming mothers. I am passionate about the importance of working with women at this special time of their lives - the work done with mums benefits them, their babies, partners, extended family/whanau and ripples out to the community. Like the whakatauki "Ko te whaea te takere o te waka" - Mothers are like the hull of a canoe, they are the heart of the family. I feel when counselling I'm where I am meant to be. I appreciate the variety and the nature of the work in counselling and I enjoy the age span. My youngest client is 14 years old and my oldest is 82 years old. I value the work that is done within the therapeutic relationship. I once read a quote, "When the therapeutic relationship is at it's best - unconditional, selfless, volitional and thoughtful love is what the counsellor is offering" and I have found that within the therapeutic relationship this usually develops easily and can be so healing.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/1619688362345-SM3TSVS8SQ3BPBWVP3KJ/Sophie-Best-with-3mm-bleed-for-WEB.jpg Audio Interviews - Sophie Best - a mother sharing her blue story experience Sophie Best, originally from the UK, moved with her Kiwi husband to the Nelson region when they were ready to start a family. She is a mother of two girls, who are now 11 and 8 years old. She suffered from perinatal depression after the birth of her first daughter. She shares her blue story of that experience and her journey of getting out of the perinatal depression. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/1620171567157-N8BACBCF3WIJOX5Y751Y/Lysanne-NO-bleed---for-WEB--.jpg Audio Interviews - Lysanne Van Zessen - a mother sharing her blue story experience Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/1619687405685-RM6A9N2T6NYMPQDULVE0/Harriete+-+low+resolution.jpg Audio Interviews - Harriet Denham - Clinical Manager at Perinatal Support Nelson (PSN) Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://www.bluestoriesproject.com/share-your-story daily 0.75 2022-07-07 https://www.bluestoriesproject.com/about daily 0.75 2023-05-21 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/e6babfb1-132d-4d9d-b170-f5433f158099/Karola-for-WEB-3.jpg About - Make it stand out KAROLINA GORTON Project Manager, Illustrator and Designer Photo credit: Kate Russell https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/6f1fd318-62df-407b-b702-763ca93fe9aa/Janja-for-WEB.jpg About - Make it stand out Janja Heathfield Sound Technician and Audio Interview Editor Photo credit: Mark Heathfield https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/900f1241-3bec-4259-9390-7a4a2f1502db/Lisa-for-WEB.jpg About - Make it stand out LISA ALLAN Media and Marketing Connector Photo credit: Ishna Jacobs https://www.bluestoriesproject.com/contact-us daily 0.75 2022-07-08 https://www.bluestoriesproject.com/blue-stories-from-the-auckland-region daily 0.75 2023-02-19 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/e8cb6354-fccb-48e1-b615-17c63703382d/Maraea+and+her+baby Blue Stories from the Auckland region - You deserve to be happy. Quote by Elbert Hubbard: “Happiness is a habit—cultivate it.” - Maraea I had support from Maternity Mental Health Services for about a year. It was extremely helpful (while it lasted) and I also got put on medication. I was absolutely against the medication the first time I was prescribed it. By the second time I needed it so I tried it and it was exactly what I needed. Maraea https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/5cfc862f-827f-40e9-bb81-f1ae7cbf6bec/Haley+and+her+child Blue Stories from the Auckland region - “Be kind to yourself. It's OK to put yourself first.” - Haley I can still remember the hollowness in my chest. The numbness of my emotions, an attempt to drown out the guilt and emptiness I felt growing more each day. The self-loathing every time I looked at my children and didn't feel anything. Not even love. I thought I was a monster. "What kind of mother can't feel love for her own children?" I'd think. There were days I would consider leaving them with their father at home and never going back because I thought I didn't deserve them and I couldn't be the person they needed. I had high expectations of what a good mother should be. I thought I'd failed. It was only when I found the Well Women Support Group and I opened up about my feelings that I received the advice that would change my path forever and set me on the journey of recovery. I'll never forget the facilitator telling me "Haley, it's not that you don't love your children. It's that love is a huge emotion. To feel love takes ENERGY. Right now you are stripped to the bone. You are exhausted. There is nothing in your tank to GIVE. That doesn't mean your love isn't still there. It just means that you need to fill your cup first. Put yourself first. Replenish your needs". It was such a huge relief to hear. I wasn't a monster after all. I was just exhausted. After that, I made an effort to put myself first. I started scheduling time for myself. I put the kids in daycare for 4hrs a day during the week and used that time to either sleep, shower, tidy, go to the gym, meditate, read or whatever I felt my body needed for that 4hrs. It was a time dedicated to purely just my needs. As the weeks went by I slowly found my energy returning to me. It became easier to parent the kids. I'd even catch little glimpses of love or joy arising when I looked at them. Until eventually I was able to feel love along with all the other emotions that I was once numb to. It was in those moments I realised I wasn't broken. I was just too hard on myself thinking that I had to be everything to everybody. My expectations were way too high. It was like expecting myself to drive 100km on an empty tank of gas. I felt I had to be the perfect housewife, the perfect mother and put-together as a woman, all at the expense of my mental health. If I have any advice it’s don't feel guilty if your house is a mess, if you can't feel love, if you can't summon the energy to brush your teeth or take a shower! Instead mentally hug and hold yourself with compassion like you would if your child were crying. But most of all… don't feel guilty for putting yourself first! Haley https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/80b12f9d-a04b-40f8-9e43-819752ecaf74/Anonymous+1 Blue Stories from the Auckland region - “Find your pathway to bloom brighter.” - Anonymous I was elated to be finally expecting my own child, I would get to be a Mum. My pregnancy was very difficult. We were in hospital at different times for either myself or baby and my obstetrician regularly liaised with the hospital pain team to prescribe pain meds. Although I did not realise it at the time, I was spiralling into depression. Three days after my baby was born after a traumatic birth, I walked out of the maternity unit leaving my baby behind - I had had enough, I was done! Eventually, I returned, not for my baby, but for my husband. The staff stepped in, giving us space without baby and having Maternal Mental Health (MMH) visit us immediately. Through my husband’s humour and daily visits initially from the MMH team then weekly visits and attending the courses they offered, we survived the first year, although blurry, we survived. I then became aware of the most amazing support group, Well Women Franklin. Without this team of ladies, who are available by telephone and run group sessions, I would not be as far through my journey of recovery as I am today. The safe space to talk about anything with others who completely understand and, if wanted, can offer advice without judgement, was a true life-saver for our family. Sharing my story, concerns, fears and joys and listening to others, along with offering and listening to others’ advice, has been a huge step in my recovery. Knowing I was not alone with what I was experiencing and gaining others’ insight helped normalise this new world of motherhood for me. Along with Well Women Franklin came socialisation and people to catch up with outside of Group - the social aspect has been helpful in finding myself my new 'tribe'. It has taken time but with the support of others, remembering what it is that I enjoy and navigating a new pathway, postnatal depression is continually diminishing and our family keeps flourishing and blooming brighter. Anonymous https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/997dd85f-0853-4bcd-94d4-3c008af64c13/Anonymous+3 Blue Stories from the Auckland region - Find the safe place you can breathe and have your own body and brain space. In that space you may realise what you need, what will serve you, what will be helpful and that we don’t deserve to feel and think this way in our motherhood story. There is a path through. - Anonymous I realise my postnatal distress really started with the fertility journey to motherhood. I had six natural miscarriages then two lifethreatening ectopic pregnancies which meant IVF was the only option to motherhood left. I did feel so lucky and grateful that I finally had a successful pregnancy and birth. But I was not flooded with lovely juicy oxytocin bonding love-drunk moments from birth. I was terrified it was too good to be true and somehow this baby’s life would also be fleeting. It was made worse when I finally gave my baby to the maternity ward nurses on the second night so I could actually sleep instead of hyper-vigilantly watching and listening to his every breath. Unfortunately, they woke me from my first sleep in days to say the ambulance has been called, we are headed to NICU. PTSD kicked in here. I was stricken. This cocktail I believe contributed greatly to my PND henceforth. It was also enhanced by a feeling of lack of multi-generational support "where are the aunties and grandmothers? Where are they? I’m crumbling by myself and I have no idea what I’m doing or where my motherly intuition is." The baby cards and gifts kept coming, “finally all you wanted," "much loved baby," "you never gave up, now the miracle and joy." I wanted and worked for this baby, for this life, but I felt it left no room for me to say “actually I’m suffering, I need a recovery, I’m out of my depth, I don’t like it.” I equally was so glad of my son but I loathed myself for creating what felt like the biggest mistake of my life, one I can’t give back. How could I want and love and at the same time suffer and feel scared and pain all the time. But I winced and grimaced when breastfeeding, it was scary to hear him cry knowing I had to brace for my own agony to feed and care for my baby. I was hallucinating when sleeping so became afraid to sleep. I was dreading the pain of feeding my baby, I felt like I should know my motherly instinct. I was so triggered by his incessant crying, I had urges to throw him out his two storey window, to while driving endlessly to induce elusive baby sleep I considered veering to the ditch. I didn’t want to die, rather just make it all STOP. One night I broke into floods of tears on my stairwell after a lactation consultant visited and I calculated if I followed her advice it was more than a 24 hour days worth of tasking and trying. Where was time for me, a shower, a life or moment of peace and calm for me? So I 'caved' and bawled my eyes out feeling like an utter failure introducing bottle to mix-feed. One night, waking to baby, I felt so overwhelmed it was all on me, my husband grumbled about being awake and I saw red. I had the urge to shove him downstairs, I screamed, “I hate you, I hate this, I don’t care!!” Ashamedly but felt no other option but to storm out of the house in PJs and just drive away. I only made it out of the garage and around the cul-de-sac when I realised I had nowhere to go anyhow. Don’t get me wrong, I still from the outside seemed like a 'good mum,' cute clothes, going to Mum ‘n’ Bub classes, cultivating coffee group, reading and playing, singing, baby got all he needed. Nestled in the feathers on the back of swan mother’s back. But underwater my swan mother’s legs were paddling furiously and running on fumes in who knew what direction. I knew I needed help. Every single day I wanted help. I just wasn’t sure how, what type, from who. I craved someone else to step into my body and just take the controls. Midwife helped but also they sign off after six weeks, which was still just the very very start. Plunket were impersonal and out-dated and I found them too prescriptive and rigid and the ‘it-works-for-most’ approach unhelpful for me. I felt too scared and it was very early on at the six week GP visit to fill out the form while baby gets immunised. Again, too formal and impersonal, so tried to say “yes, I’m struggling but surely it’s going to get better etc.” My husband took a couple days off work after I left in the night. Baby was approx 14 weeks old. We tried a Plunket house that teaches baby to sleep (rock pram over jandle), at least it worked. Silence. We rang our old fertility counsellor for a private session. I trusted her and missed her. She flagged up on our second visit. “This is beyond me, you need other help” and referred me to Maternal Mental Health. My fears of being exposed as ‘crazy mum who can’t cope’ were realised but I also felt relief, someone finally saw my plight and it might not have to be this forever. I sourced a number for local Well Women Franklin and three days later walked into first group. Baby was 26 weeks four days three hours old and I finally handed baby to the childminders, had my hands free, my senses were my own, my brain space was my own and I was in such a real, authentic, vulnerable caring space. I had arrived. This was when healing could start for me. The group helped me navigate Maternal Mental Health to get the best out of the services available. Without their top, insightful advice, I would have got subpar help from the public service. The healing, wisdom, learning, practising began. I found values, sleep and space again. I even went on to be brave enough to have another IVF attempt and have another wonderful baby....but that’s another story, but it all ends well. Anonymous https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/58af8a47-4a9d-4945-8776-7b3855992748/Cathy---150mm-by-150mm-with-3mm-bleed---LOW-resolution.jpg Blue Stories from the Auckland region - “You deserve help and support, keep looking and trying even though you are exhausted. You are worth it.” - Cathy Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/1c05c2a6-7a3b-4b4a-9ef1-9888c4540945/Anonymous+2 Blue Stories from the Auckland region - “Know your feelings are valid, your depression doesn’t mean anything about you. Just like any health condition, you need the right support to heal. Get to know yourself better, so you can find healing in the way that's best for you.” - Anonymous Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/17954a5e-62d9-4d2e-b2b2-cc9fbaad7999/Meena+and+her+child Blue Stories from the Auckland region - “We are the captain, the general and the soldiers of our lives. Never ever give up!” - Meena I am still suffering from depression. I lost a baby at nine weeks in 2019, which triggered severe depression. I was unfit for work, unable to function, take calls or reply to texts or even get out of bed. I was referred to Awhinatia Mental Health Support where I met my peer support, Rose Norton. Luckily for me, my mother was here for a vacation at that time, for seven weeks. Rose and Ma saved my life. Stayed with me everyday, and motivated me to join the world of living. Rose asked me to join Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP), anxiety and depression courses to help me cope and maintain my mental health. They both believed I could get pregnant again, and I had my rainbow baby. This pregnancy was also not easy, with preeclampsia and baby being delivered in the first level 4 lockdown without any family in 2020. I have learnt to maintain my depression with regular chants, music and singing loudly at home. Regular medications and Well Women meet ups have helped me. I'm slowly building my self confidence again to make new friends and get out. Meena https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/5c2e75f2-3e8e-4104-9e91-b4087ccff909/Sela Blue Stories from the Auckland region - “Speak to your GP or to mental health providers if you feel overwhelmed with parenting.” - Sela I reached a boiling point a few weeks after my son turned one in 2019 where I was angry at the little things such as someone putting a mug back in the cupboard in a way I didn't like. I wasn't myself and when I noticed that anger grow bigger, I spoke to my husband about it, and he confirmed it was out of character. He talked me into seeking professional medical help and I agreed. The first medical practitioner I saw I wasn't honest with. I played down how I was really feeling and didn't share enough of what was going on for her to help me. I wasn't ready for the help. It was not until my husband found a psychiatrist who specialises in Pacific mothers and their mental health that I became cooperative and shared everything about how I felt. I've been on medication since 2019, which has allowed me to work on healing my brain and reshaping how I approach things. I'm grateful I got the help that I needed to heal. Sela https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/4324dcfc-ac87-400e-9b37-dc6c7e70ac03/Kate Blue Stories from the Auckland region - “Let it come, let it be, let it go.” - Kate Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/0975f60b-7a2c-4b07-98cd-54f1b4500580/Neala+and+her+baby Blue Stories from the Auckland region - “It makes sense that you feel this way, given the situation and given your story.” - Neala Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://www.bluestoriesproject.com/blue-stories-from-the-canterbury-region daily 0.75 2023-02-20 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/6447b888-704d-4b0c-ade8-2d18e3c6de0a/Lori+and+her+baby Blue Stories from the Canterbury region - “The journey to wellness is full of trials and tribulations, the destination to “happiness” becomes less important once you find there can be moments of joy that are like candlelight in the dark.” - Lori My mental health has had its ups and downs since my teenage years. However, until I had children, it didn’t impact on anyone else so I could park it. If I could time travel and change one thing, it would be to have more support and understanding of matrescence – the transition to motherhood. Any trauma and adverse childhood events that haven’t been processed before you become a parent are brought to light – I was in denial though and didn’t realise how children can bring out the best and very worst in you. I am a Mum to three living children. My first baby had anencephaly, which is a fatal neural tube defect. Within four months of her death, I was pregnant with my oldest son and filled with anxiety. Every time I went to the toilet, I would check for bleeding. I didn’t expect him to live which haunted me well into the first year of his life and affected my ability to bond with him. My midwife was the same one I’d had with my first pregnancy. She knew that I was grieving but there was never any talk of mental health support. I had the backup midwife for my son’s birth – I’d been in hospital with pre-eclampsia for a week – it took four inductions, hours of labour and ended with an emergency c-section after he got stuck. I was used to the monitoring and had been told by hospital staff that if his heart rate dropped that he may be in distress. This happened while the backup midwife was out of the room. When she returned, I told her and instead of her reassuring me, she moved the monitor away so I could not see it anymore. Then she sent my husband out of the room and proceeded to lecture me that if I didn’t get my anxiety under control that I would have mental health issues for the rest of my life – this was at 2am! I recall my midwife telling me that I was a stoic – I think I was still in shock and too ashamed to admit that I had no idea what I was doing. At some point I was referred to PPAIRS through Plunket. I was told about PNAP and the CBT course but I was still in denial about having postnatal depression (PND). My solution was to return to work so I could be away from my baby. He was four months old when I went back to work. I recall a feeling of shame and not wanting to admit I had PND. I had Raynaud’s which made breastfeeding painful but this wasn’t diagnosed until I had my second son. I dreaded breastfeeding, it got so bad that I didn’t want my son to wake up. I had intrusive thoughts – these were very disturbing. With my second son, we were part of the University of Canterbury wellbeing study so I took probiotics throughout my pregnancy. Ironically, we couldn’t be part of the micronutrient study as my mental health wasn’t bad enough at that point. I raised concerns about my previous PND but my midwife fobbed me off with a “let’s wait and see”. I changed midwives at 35 weeks but was discharged early at four weeks postpartum. This was when my son’s reflux hit. It was like he was possessed by a demon – he would scream for up to an hour before every feed. We were referred to paediatrics but they wrote to us to say he would grow out of it and refused to see him. When he was six months old, we went to a private paediatrician. He was prescribed medication and prescription formula. Overnight it was like he was a new baby. In the meantime, my mental health had deteriorated – my OCD flared up, I felt a lot of rage and I was very anxious. I had to return to work when my second son was three months old. There was a lot of pressure on me as my husband had been on ACC and was due to return to work but they had employed someone else. I had no energy, the antidepressants made it worse. Luckily, PNAP got involved and I did the CBT course which helped a lot. I also started taking Nutrient Rescue, had mirimiri and prioritised my mental health. During my last pregnancy, I was very proactive. It was a stressful time as my husband and I separated a couple of weeks before the first lockdown. There was domestic violence and Family Court which just added to the stress. My midwife was great and put in a referral to PNAP, the hospital social worker and Plunket referred me to Comcare and Early Start. I met an amazing Lactation Consultation via a Mum’s group, Ūkaipō, and her help made breastfeeding less painful which led to an enhanced bond with my daughter. I took probiotics, magnesium, B vitamins, Nutrient Rescue and LSA and oats to help with lactation and Raynaud’s. I also attended a support group at PND Canterbury. I learnt so much through them; I didn’t realise until then that intrusive thoughts and suicide ideation are common for people with OCD. With support in place, my mental health wasn’t as bad which had positive flow-on effects for my children. I still struggle with my mental health but I’ve realised that there’s a spectrum. The journey to wellness is full of trials and tribulations, the destination to “happiness” becomes less important once you find there can be moments of joy that are like candlelight in the dark. The key is to keep seeking the light. Lori https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/8399ddce-ada3-4a28-8a5f-e06ecc815830/Amy-Plaisted---150mm-by-150mm---low-resolution.jpg Blue Stories from the Canterbury region - “You are not a bad parent for needing help. You are teaching your child that it's OK to have feelings, that it’s OK to struggle, that it's OK to need support. And that is such an important lesson for them to learn.” - Amy Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/fec34dca-33fb-4a72-bd71-9208ee9a2a2b/Emma---christchurch---150mm-by-150mm-with-3mm-bleed---LOW-resolution.jpg Blue Stories from the Canterbury region - “The best thing about rock bottom is the rock part. You discover the solid bit of you. The bit that can’t be broken down further… At our lowest we find the solid ground of our foundation. And we can build ourselves anew.” - Matt Haig - from Emma It took me a year to realise I was experiencing PND, I thought it was just THIS hard to adjust when you had a baby. I was just about to start working again and I was so looking forward to having some of my old identity back but almost overnight I became incredibly emotional and my anxiety skyrocketed. I was scared to leave the house and scared to be with my son alone as I just didn’t feel like I could manage. I didn’t want him to see his mum like that and I worried it would be damaging for him. It took all my strength to hold myself together around him. When he was napping I cried and cried and then cried some more. I would look in the mirror and I didn’t even recognise the person looking back. I started having incredibly dark thoughts and I concluded my son would be better off if I wasn’t here anymore. By this point I realised I needed to get help but that was easier said than done. I told very few people about what I was experiencing outside my family but I confided in one friend who suggested it may be PND. It felt like I was experiencing a complete breakdown but I had never made that connection. I think I was so far in I couldn’t see the wood for the trees let alone a way out. By the time I realised what was happening it was too late to even find support within the health system. My sister who lives in the UK was amazing and found an organisation called Mothers Helpers who offered a recovery course and counselling. They explained PND could happen at any point up to 5 years post birth. After an assessment they confirmed I was experiencing PND and anxiety along with some PTSD from the birth. It was such a huge relief to realise that I was no longer alone with it all and that someone could help me. During the recovery course I got to meet other women who had their own story to tell and it was comforting to know we were all there for each other. For me there were several things that helped to support my recovery; I started an antidepressant and the dark thoughts gradually disappeared. I had 6 weeks of counselling and explored my feelings around becoming a mum and the trauma I experienced during his birth. Counselling helped me to battle the negative thoughts and come to the realisation that not everyone enjoys the baby years and that is ok, it doesn’t mean I love my son any less. Opening up and just saying, “this is actually really hard and a lot of the time it feels pretty crap,” was quite empowering. I was constantly battling myself and telling myself I should be enjoying every second with my son. I was so used to focusing on him and what made him happy, I had forgotten about myself. I started to think about what would make me happy and how I could find myself again. For me it was really important. I felt I had a purpose other than being someone’s mum so I decided to get back into full time work and my confidence in myself started to come back. I had an amazing support system in my family and partner, who was a rock during this time and continues to be my safe place. It has been a long journey but I am learning how to be the mum that makes both myself and my son happy. Emma https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/5834f600-ebf8-4c02-8c2a-40d172543d1e/Jessie Blue Stories from the Canterbury region - “ You will come out the other side. You may not look the same or feel the same, but you WILL come out and you will be stronger than you know.” - Jessie Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/932790a4-af5a-4446-a53e-ea522d383800/Tania+and+her+child Blue Stories from the Canterbury region - “Keep talking, even when it feels like no one is hearing you. Someone will and they will help you start recovering.” - Tania I started to feel the resentment towards my baby when I was holding the positive pregnancy test. This was an unplanned pregnancy after just recovering from previous postnatal depression with my last two babies. I ended up feeling physically ill every time I felt him move. I was hospitalised at 35 weeks with complications, and I missed out on several important milestones with my other children, which made me resent this baby even more. He was an unwell baby and had several major setbacks in the first year. I was struggling with my own mental health but that kept being pushed aside by his high needs. I was receiving help as a Mothers and Babies inpatient but due to his many hospitalisations I was unable to stay there as long as I really needed. During the first two years I was in and out of respite and mental health units. The resentment was still there because it was "his fault" I was unwell and couldn't be with my family. Luckily, I had some good supports throughout this time that kept me alive. People who didn’t give up on me, even though I had given up on myself. They wouldn't let me stop living. These friends, family and my community case workers gave not only emotional support, but also took care of my practical needs, so all I had to do was keep breathing. The turning point for me was when I started receiving treatment from the community mental health clinical team. A psychiatry review put me on different medications that helped my mood lift enough to become receptive to the support I was receiving. Having regular therapy sessions from a psychologist was the most helpful thing in my recovery. He wouldn’t let me cancel appointments and seemed to genuinely care about my mental health. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t a quick fix. For the first year of treatment someone had to physically take me there to make sure I went. Now, two and a half years on, I can look back and see how far I’ve come. I had to make the changes and take control of my own recovery before anything started getting better. I started making myself spend more time with my son to get to know him as a person, not just as the “thing that caused all my problems”. Slowly I grew to like him, then started feeling protective of him, and now can say that I fully love him. While I no longer blame him for me becoming unwell, the resentment does still come to the surface when things get hard and I’m going through a stressful time. This is something that I know I will always have to manage and it’s part of choosing to stay well. There is no end point for my recovery. I choose to keep myself mentally healthy every day using the tools and techniques I learned during my treatment. I’ve had to redefine what mentally healthy looks like for me, and I’m at peace with that now. Tania https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/3b5dd6fd-f57e-4223-b5c6-f8f44266ba86/Christchurch-Anonymous-1---150mm-by-150mm-with-3mm-bleed---LOW-Resolution.jpg Blue Stories from the Canterbury region - “Connect to the community and talk to other mums about your feelings. Find a professional worker to support you. Ask other family members and friends to help you. Have a short "just me time" for yourself.” - Anonymous 参加各种社交活动，跟其他的妈妈分享你的感受，你会在其中发现很多人跟你的状况很相近 寻找专业的社工讲叙你的情况，他们会以更专业的角度支持你 勇敢寻求家庭成员或者好友帮助，让自己能拥有纯“自我关怀”的时间 It was 11 years ago, but the memory is very clear. When I gave birth to my second child, it was winter in New Zealand. An earthquake occurred the day after giving birth. I was on the 5th floor and was very worried. Fortunately, everything was fine, we were all safe, but a huge feeling of fear came to my mind. My husband did not know how to take care of me when I got home, and the room was messy. I was in a bad mood, plus my older daughter had not seen me for three days, and she wanted my attention a lot. The child was not sleeping well and cried a lot, plus I was homesick, and slowly I became depressed, and cried when my baby was crying. I felt difficulty establishing a relationship with the baby. I wanted to chat with my good friends. It was easy to lose my patience and I got frustrated when someone asked me why my baby was crying. I was always afraid of not being a good mother and a good wife. I felt helpless but felt shame when I wanted to ask for help. Feeling worthless, guilty, less able to make decisions, and restless- complex emotions around me every day. Then I got worse and worse and I went to the GP and was diagnosed with postpartum depression. I started taking medicine, but the living environment and my cognitive state in my life did not change. I was very worried about not being able to do all kinds of housework and give my baby the best life. I didn't think of taking care of myself first. That was the basic logic in my mind, if everyone feels good then I will be good. I tried to make all the family happy, except myself. One month later, my friends invited me to various baby activities, library activities, and finally I decided to volunteer at Playgroup. My task was to open the door, chat with other mothers, and then close the door. This easy responsibility allowed me to slowly come out of the depression of worthlessness. I thought, “I still can contribute to the community, not just feed the baby, cook, and do everyday housework.” That is all the story for me. 那是11年前的事了，但记忆很清楚。 当我生下第二个孩子时，那是新西兰的冬天。产后第二天发生地震。我在 5 楼，非常担心。幸运的是，一切都很好，我们都很安全，但脑海里总浮现出莫名的巨大的恐惧感。 回到家，老公不知道怎么照顾好一个产妇和婴儿，房间很乱。我心情很低落，总是很想妈妈来到我的身边。大女儿已经三天没见我了，她一直想粘着我。 孩子睡不好，经常哭，加上我很想家，慢慢的我就抑郁了，每次宝宝哭的时候我也跟着哭。我一心想着怎样让她不哭呢？ 我觉得很难与孩子建立关系，偶尔有种失联的感觉。我不想和朋友聊天。每当有人问为什么宝宝哭泣时，我就被刺激而感到受挫和沮丧。 我总是害怕当不好一个好母亲和一个好妻子。 当我想寻求帮助时，羞耻感又会随之而来，开口求助是我一个巨大的难题。 当时感觉自己一文不值、内疚、做决定的能力越来越差，焦躁不安，这些复杂而难以承受的情绪每天都环绕身边。 我感觉自己变得越来越糟，去看了医生，被诊断出患有产后抑郁症。 我开始吃药，但生活环境和认知并没有得到改善。我总担心不能完成各种家务，不能给宝宝最好的生活。 我没想过先照顾好自己。我心中的逻辑是：只有每个人都感觉很好，我才会好。我试图让所有的家人都开心，不要让他们看到我的脆弱。 产后一个月，朋友邀请我参加各种婴儿活动、图书馆活动，最后我决定在 Playgroup 做义工。我的任务是开门，和其他妈妈聊天，然后关上门。这份轻松的任务让我慢慢走出了无价值感的抑郁。让我意识到，我仍然可以为社区做出贡献，而不仅仅是喂婴儿、做饭、做日常家务。 这就是我的产后抑郁走出来的故事。 Anonymous https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/8e0d9ca5-5f7f-41a4-8018-b2536132147c/Suzy Blue Stories from the Canterbury region - “I was that girl - I was going to be a statistic! If I can do it, you can do it. Even though you don’t believe it right now, I promise you the fight is worth it! Having PND made me a better person now than I was before and I NEVER thought I would say that!” - Suzy Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/6c0c5d26-e7ea-400c-ba41-a447e9e23909/Kat---Christchurch---150mm-by-150mm-with-3mm-bleed.jpg Blue Stories from the Canterbury region - “The sun will shine again so please just hold on in the darkness.” - Kat Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/eab86191-a399-4ca1-be61-3f2c3a448b07/Giarne---Christchurch---150mm-by-150mm-with-3mm-bleed---LOW-resolution.jpg Blue Stories from the Canterbury region - “Have a trusted group of non-judgmental friends to support you. Start taking time for yourself, find and reclaim the activities that you enjoy.” - Giarne It really hit me that I needed help when a good friend told me that “my face was expressionless,” she said it in such a kind and loving way. She was a mum from my ante-natal group and she used to be a Plunket nurse so she helped guide me on the next steps. I took the Edinburgh Scale and took those results to my GP. I’d been expressing some distress and pain to my husband, mum, dad and to a couple of close friends but the questions on the scale helped me understand that these were things I should look at in greater depth. My first child was conceived, carried and laboured during the year of earthquakes that rattled Christchurch. I decided that I could cope without anti-depressants. When I had my second child two years later, lots of things were easier – breastfeeding, sleep and having a home birth was very healing after a traumatic birth with our first. But the feelings of distress, despair, the inability to enjoy the good times, that was all back again, plus some much more worrying feelings of anger, resentment and panic attacks. This time I took the anti-depressants, which levelled out my feelings and enabled me to function better. I found the Perinatal Wellbeing Canterbury support group and discovered I wasn’t the only one feeling the way I felt and the group organiser gave us many tips that I still keep in my tool belt today. There are still days I remind myself that we might need to go back to basics and not worry about the housework or lofty goals we have – just make sure we all have food, water, sleep and calm moments. In the depths of my depression, I couldn’t remember what I liked to do to relax “before”. People offered help, I didn’t know what I needed. I created a list of things that I would do if someone offered me 15, 30, 60 mins or if I had that time free –a nap was usually top of the list, but later swimming, yoga, doing some art or journaling became more useful. I didn’t get to it every day (wish I had) but these little things started slowly making a difference. I had a small, trusted group of non-judgemental people I could vent to. I sought counselling for old trauma. I called my husband home early if I was really struggling, I got him to tell his work what was happening and they were really supportive. I started taking time for myself on the weekends – seeing friends for a coffee, going to the art gallery, getting time for dates with hubby (the brunch date is under-rated, night times weren’t easy times for others to babysit). Now, I try to be that non-judgemental shoulder to support others, let them know they aren’t broken, that they can recover. I talk about my situation to break up that stigma. I am still learning that I need to book in self care as a priority, not after everyone else has been looked after. I don’t feel so much shame about having less on my plate, or taking time for myself. Often mothers are the emotional barometer for the household and we need to look after ourselves in order to be there for others. Giarne https://www.bluestoriesproject.com/blue-stories-from-partners-and-supporters daily 0.75 2023-02-20 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/28ad068b-8b8b-4768-a658-a7bbf17b55c5/Jeremy+and+his+partner Blue Stories from partners and supporters - “Our main advice is, you don't have to battle alone. Seek help and find a supportive community that rises to the occasion to help out.” - Jeremy Angeline and I were new parents and quickly found ourselves struggling. It wasn't until a conversation with my employer about being unable to come to some work shifts that he asked if my wife had PND. I wasn't even aware that was a thing. Once we were in a place where we recognised that the anxiety and depression was there, I was able to reach out to Postnatal Depression Marlborough and seek an appointment with a lovely counselor, Tatiana. Angeline was initially reluctant to attend, but after the session we both felt relieved to know that our experience wasn't unique to just us and that there was support available. Angeline joined a support group with other young mums and, fast forward four years, is today the chairperson of what is now the Maternal Mental Wellbeing Marlborough Trust. The peace and joy in our home dramatically improved after we sought help, our two boys are now both school age and we have been married just over nine years. We would like to see awareness of postnatal anxiety and depression increase in the community and among expecting couples. We would also like to see support groups actively engaging these young parents in the community. Jeremy https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/4b7bc02c-cf02-41a0-aeb4-8ab88658a10c/Anonymous+partner+and+his+child+-+CLFS Blue Stories from partners and supporters - “After the storm it is always calm.” - Anonymous We had decided before Covid 19 struck that we desperately needed a sea change, quite literally. Our time in Auckland was done. Our son had already been diagnosed with PK, a metabolic condition affecting his liver. Within 2 months of making the move we got the phone call that would completely upend our world. On the phone was one of our boy’s teachers from kindy; she told us he was having a seizure. We dropped everything and raced to kindy. A medevac flight to Dunedin hospital for my wife and our sweet boy and a couple of days later, we got a random call from his dietician team at Starship saying they had run tests and found that our boy was suffering from an extremely rare genetic disease called Tatton Brown Rahman syndrome. What the actual heck was going on?? We were in unfamiliar territory already, having moved to one of the most isolated and landlocked towns in NZ, and now this. With no family, no friends, no support network whatsoever, and the nearest hospital three hours away. We as husband and wife had drifted apart, with no time for ourselves or as a couple. The perfect nuclear family I had always dreamt of and pined for was slipping away. Reality never really had time to settle in because I found myself in one of two worlds - quite literally, fight or flight mode. There was no in-between, everything was happening at light speed, and the only way I responded to almost anything was reactive, tunnel-vision grasping onto bare survival mode. I had no time to step away from anything that was happening and digest my thoughts, feelings and actions without something getting thrown my way again and again. What, or who, was going to get me out of this chasm of endless struggle? I needed to find something or someone to help, but I had no one; well, at least that's what I was telling myself. I also needed to have something positive to focus on and help change the way I was seeing my world. Enter the good wolf and the bad wolf, and a guy named Joe. Joe told me I was on a clear and present path to redeeming myself, but first I had to understand the origin and cause of my reactive way of living. There was work to do. I was feeding the bad wolf compounded versions of everything that was happening inside and outside of me; I was unleashing the negative, giving it a voice and letting it all manifest. Continuing in this way meant certain unhappiness for myself and all those I cared for and loved. The bad wolf needed to be starved and the good wolf needed my attention, as my life depended on it. This way of looking at what was happening to me through this simple analogy has saved my life. I now feed only the good wolf. I allow myself to step away for a moment when I need to - to breathe, to feel, to always be present, and to write things down. I am in control of my life through a positive mental attitude. Through commitment and consistency every day I do the work, and I am rewarded for this by inner peace and a happiness in and outside of myself. I owe this to myself to be present, always. I owe Joe for showing me. I owe my wife and our beautiful children for this life for which I am eternally grateful. Anonymous https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/ed449838-32b7-45aa-b940-ca81e54d6c61/Image-1---My-P----150mm-by-150mm-with-3mm-bleed---low-resolution.jpg Blue Stories from partners and supporters - “The thoughts you are having are not uncommon. In fact it’s astonishing how many women have gone through some form of perinatal depression. So ask for help, don’t feel ashamed. And be sure to make some time for yourself and your special ‘fix’.” - Paul Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/68c15ae2-62a1-4ec5-84e3-57334a6cbea8/Luke Blue Stories from partners and supporters - “No matter how important you think your job is, being a father and a husband is the most important job you will have in this life. It’s really important to look after ourselves physically, mentally and spiritually.” - Luke Ehara taku toa i te toa takitahi engari he toa takimano. My Strength, is not that of an individual, but that of the collective. In my previous life I was a senior advisor working in government service as part of our National Security workforce. I resigned to become a full-time ‘stay-at-home dad’ around the birth of my second daughter in 2017. After a seven-year career journey into and out of intelligence work, I was pretty burned out and I decided that it was probably a good idea to rebalance, put family first and support my wife’s return to her career. So, I resigned to become a stay at home dad. It was going to be a good change. It was going to be awesome. I had no idea just how tough an assignment I had signed up for! So yeah, my former colleagues and team mates were surprised, but at farewell drinks they were all like “Yeah, this is going to be awesome! Go stay-at-home dads! I’m so jealous! I wish I could leave and do that!” (I had a reputation for taking on the tough assignments!) What I didn’t realise at the time, when my second daughter was born, I was already on a downward trajectory quickly becoming massively depressed after years of suppressing my emotions in my old job… and all of that was now catching up with me. I found it really hard to bond with my new baby girl and I was becoming this disengaged, oftentimes angry and frustrated dad who hated himself, having these random violent anger outbursts when I occasionally emerged from depression and emotional exhaustion. Six months went by in a hazy blur. I struggled with my self-esteem and mental state. I constantly stumbled looking back instead of forward. Inevitably, I grieved for my previous work-life balance and rewarding career. Having left ‘such an important job’ so us spooks were constantly told, I now genuinely felt I had failed and given up achieving anything remotely equal in value in the eyes of a modern society that celebrated the ‘career dad who has it all’. My marriage and family life were under incredible strain and I felt the intense shame and guilt of my depression and random angry outbursts. I believed I was letting my family down and I felt like I was failing at the one very important job I didn’t want to screw up: fatherhood. I wanted to quit everything because my family, my girls, even my in-laws were seeing me at my absolute worst. I thought I was screwing my daughters up. At my worst, I believed the lie that they would be better off without me… guilt and social isolation was the final straw. Finally, I sought help. The community of specialists and counsellors were always there ready to pick me up. In my previous career, I took for granted the wrap-around support of experienced colleagues and counsellors to call on during times of incredible stress where we needed additional support for our thankless work in the shadows. Having left that close-knit community behind, I would now have to forge new networks of friends, other young families, and tap into local community support providers. I would need them now more than ever… Initially, to deal with my anger outbursts, I confided in a friend who was a family violence counsellor who quickly identified my battle with the ‘man box’ and the incredibly high expectations I had put on myself. Also noticing my obvious depression, he wisely referred me to mental health services, and I began a recovery process with a psychologist. Signing up to group therapy sessions with other men struggling with anger also really helped me gain understanding and a newfound perspective on my struggle with the false expectation that men shouldn’t cry, shouldn’t express emotion or admit to a season of weakness. I realised that even though (before marriage and kids) I had been physically and mentally broken, now it seemed as a stay-at-home dad with two girls under five I was really just mentally exhausted and spiritually broken. I realised I needed to start again, be rebuilt, made stronger and re-constructed with the true identity of ultimately who God says I am, and NOT what I was comparing myself to… (other working career dads who still ‘had it all’). I rediscovered my true spiritual identity: I am not the ashamed broken-down father, I’m called to care for my family all the while being very careful with my health and wellbeing so as to be strong for my family and community. I started a local dads’ coffee group, Wai Dadz, and then organised a massive bonfire and BBQ in a paddock just for the dads without their kids. It was epic. Men sharing just as men. The older dads encouraging us younger dads. It was the space we needed to create. We all realised as fathers we can’t put our mental or physical health on the back-burner, we need to look after ourselves for our families and for the wellbeing of future generations. If you’re going through a rough parenting season don’t give up! Keep going but do speak up, reach out and keep seeking help. As a father you hold incredible value, the work may be thankless and at times unrecognised, but know that you are an essential asset for your community and an inspiration for future generations of Kiwi world-changers. Your best years as a father are always ahead of you. Luke https://www.bluestoriesproject.com/media daily 0.75 2024-05-01 https://www.bluestoriesproject.com/blue-stories-from-the-bay-of-plenty daily 0.75 2023-02-19 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/f3f6c8fe-5f1c-47a9-84fd-4723e75a3d6f/Steph Blue Stories from the Bay of Plenty - “Talk with someone you love and trust, and ask them to check in on you if they notice that you aren’t yourself. Build tools that you know work for you, and tell your friends what they are, so they can help you use those tools when you need it.” - Steph Just before falling pregnant my work circumstances changed, and I was unemployed. My husband and I were suddenly on one income, and I had to figure out how to secure my paid parental leave entitlements through self employment. From around week four of my pregnancy, I was suffering chronic abdominal pain, and was waking every two hours at night in pain. I had experienced depression once in the past, and could feel my mental health slipping again. I was lucky to have a trusting relationship with my GP, and booked in to see her. She knew what was going on, and we were able to discuss what steps to take to help me through the rest of my pregnancy, and postpartum. We decided the medication that had worked in the past was the best course of action, as well as looking at things I could do daily to help lift me out of the fog. I had two beautiful pets at home, a dog who got me out of the house for walks on the beach, and a cat who would come and kiss away my tears. I was home alone for most of the day, and these two were my biggest source of company and companionship. Because this wasn’t the first time I had experienced depression, I already had a few tools I could lean on. I was able to talk to family and close friends quite early on. Steph https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/af5e5dfc-bb7e-4679-82a0-fe6937d6cb6c/Belinda---Tauranga-Story---150mm-by-150mm-with-NO-BLEED.jpg Blue Stories from the Bay of Plenty - “Take the first step! As hard as it is to recognise and ask for help or guidance, it really can give you everything you need to 'find your happy' and live your best life! There's always help and support out there and don't ever forget… you matter!!!!” - Belinda Hi everyone, my name is Belinda and I want to share my story in the hope that if it helps just one person know that they are not alone in their feelings and it's ok to reach out, then I feel it's worth it and hopefully it can make a positive difference. Many years ago, hubby and I lost our first baby and it hit me so hard to know you go to hospital one day to get a procedure done and walk out no longer being pregnant. The feelings were indescribable but with a one year old, life simply went on as I was constantly needed! Within a year, we were pregnant with our rainbow baby so life was again busy and feelings of worry and concern were definitely strong during the pregnancy. After a safe and happy birth, the feelings got pushed down to deal with the busy life of a newborn and two year old. As I think back, you kind of numb your feelings when you have little ones and carry on with day-to-day tasks and expectations. Fast forward a few years and we were delighted to be pregnant with a little girl. Again, there were worries through the pregnancy but extra checks and a great midwife settled my thoughts and I really enjoyed being pregnant! Feeling the little life in me really gave me a great sense of happiness and I was just delighted each day! Sadly, this came to a heartbreaking end at 21 weeks when we found out our baby had passed away... The whole whānau was just devastated....The tears wouldn't stop flowing and I was angry... I was just sooo gutted to think I had done something wrong again! Why did this happen to us again? What did I do so wrong? Time definitely helps to heal as they say but you really do need some help sometimes and I didn't realise this as I look back.... People would say, “Oh it's ok, just try for another!” Or, “I didn't think you'd be so attached!” Wow... These really cut me deep and I often wondered... how could someone say such hurtful things when someone is clearly already so upset?? We are a Māori whānau so we had a few 'rules' on the family side to think about but we decided it was needed for our healing process to put these aside and do what we needed / wanted to for us! I'm sooo glad we did, we had a little photo shoot with the kids, they made little cards and gave their sister, Sarah-Rose, the most amazing send-off and tangi... All their favorite army men and dinosaurs were buried with her for protection and we have these photos in our hallway, so she is always there. They're very tasteful and subtle so as not to make anyone feel uncomfortable but know she's still part of us as is our other baby. Going forward, we now have another daughter and she is just the icing on the cake. With her, she's brought so much love and laughter, to what we thought were forever broken hearts, once again. With all this heartache, I was sooo busy, I forgot about me! Realising one day that I couldn't find 'my happy' and I really needed to make a positive change, I said to my hubby...I need to reach out! This isn't me! He was soooo supportive and said... “Do what you need to do babe....” That's all I actually needed to hear! I got myself onto the course with Michelle and I was instantly made to feel worthy of happiness. It taught me that it's ok to have rough days, it's ok to not get everything done in a day, it's ok to just want a moment to yourself! It's ok to need a breath! Wow... With just a bit of listening, sharing, upskilling and learning different coping ideas, making time for myself to just 'fill my cup' and take a breath.... I've found my happy!!!!! What a feeling.... Doing this course has certainly taught me soooo much and my hope is that I can help others that are feeling like I was to find their happy place too! Life is sooo short and helping others is something I love to do. The first step is to recognise the need. All I can say is… you are worth it! You matter and you are not alone! Please get involved in these groups and have an open mind, take whatever appeals to you to make your world a better place and use the skills they pass on! You deserve to be happy and feel valued! Belinda https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/a7f038a8-6b76-4dca-bf68-5b99b117b567/Mel---Tauranga-Story---150mm-by-150mm-with-NO-BLEED.jpg Blue Stories from the Bay of Plenty - “Know who your village is and don’t be afraid to reach out.” - Mel My pregnancy was very straightforward and myself and my husband were excited to have this unknown little human joining our family. Towards my due date there was excitement, fear of the unknown, anxiety… all the usual emotions. After my daughter was born and I finally held her all I felt was love. We were a family of 3 and the future looked bright. It didn’t take long before my thoughts changed. I still loved my daughter but felt as though I was failing her as mum, that I couldn’t provide for her what she needed. Breastfeeding was a struggle from the outset. Despite help from our wonderful midwife, the nursing staff in hospital and referrals to the lactation consultants, nothing worked. I was drinking all of the potions, teas, munching all the helpful foods to no avail. There were so many tears. Our families arrived in the coming weeks, I had so much support, but I could not feed my child as I wanted to and felt I should have been able to. It was all I could think of. I really felt this impacted on how I bonded (or didn’t) with my baby initially. She didn’t need me, anyone could feed her and I let others take the lead and I distanced myself. I was so hard on myself, and couldn’t enjoy those beautiful moments I had been so looking forward to. My midwife recommended a support group that ran for 6 weeks and it was through this that I discovered True Colours – Honouring the Mother. Finding this support allowed me to share my feelings in a safe place, find others who were also experiencing challenges and feel as though I could talk freely about how I was feeling and know that others were on similar unique journeys of navigating depression. I was not loving my motherhood journey so far. In my opinion, I was a failure. The feelings of guilt and even resentment were real – guilt that I couldn’t breastfeed, guilt that I was so emotional and my husband was working full time and would come home to me crying, and I resented him getting to leave each day. Then once my daughter began daycare at age one, the guilt changed and I felt bad as though I was abandoning her. Her daycare family have been extremely supportive and we have created some strong bonds there and I can see her thriving and developing her own special personality and friendships. It took me a long time to accept that my daughter was happy and healthy and she did need me in her life. There are still days now where I can look back at a newborn photo and cry for the relationship I wish I’d had with her, but I look at her face as a toddler and know she is turning out all right. My journey is by no means over, I still attend meetings at True Colours as often as I can. I now know how important it is to look after myself. I am a better mum and have a better relationship with my daughter and husband when I take some time to nurture myself. Motherhood is a hard journey. Every day has its challenges but I am so grateful that I am here and get to see the beautiful human we have created blossoming into her own person. I know she wouldn’t be the same without me, and she has changed me forever. Mel https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/b0629a78-0d22-4020-a9c2-96fe69b49888/Serena---Tauranga-Story---150mm-by-150mm-with-NO-BLEED.jpg Blue Stories from the Bay of Plenty - “It’s OK to ask for help and support.” - Serena My story started when I was three months postpartum and had big struggles with breastfeeding and all general mothering. One day, I felt that I wanted to leave my family, my child. I had that feeling over the week, then my Pēpi Ora Plunket came to check on me. I burst into tears and shared with her my emotions. She referred me to the maternal mental health service through the hospital. I started on medication, and a nurse came to check on me weekly for a year. It was great to meet her weekly and know that somebody was there for me. I got good enough to try for another baby, but I had very bad anxiety throughout my pregnancy. Also the pregnancy was a difficult one with a few complications. I was challenged physically as well. I was automatically referred to the maternal mental health service, as I already received help from them in the past. Straight away I went on medication, as still pregnant, and a nurse was checking on me weekly once again. It was the same nurse, which was great, as we already had a strong relationship established. My second birth was very healing. We decided not to know the sex of the baby before the birth. It added a positive feeling to the birth experience. The second time I knew that I could ask for help, and I knew what I needed from people. I could ask for direct help. And Iife slowly got easier. I discovered that being in nature gives me energy, perspective and calms me down. These days I go for bushwalks to feel better whenever I need it. Serena https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/f3ec8e96-9775-4155-a02c-a1426ea2c6d8/Camilla Blue Stories from the Bay of Plenty - “The way you feel and reason when you are sleep deprived does not define you as a person or mum. No human being can function the way we want (or are expected to) without proper rest. Do all you can to get sleep and don't feel bad about it.” - Camilla Ever since I was a child, I had been looking forward to having my own kids and creating my own family. I managed to hold on until I was about 28 when I had my first child, a little boy. Finally my dream had come true and it was my turn! Already at the hospital, after his birth, things started to go downhill. My son would never sleep, he was screaming throughout the nights and he was always extremely upset, angry, miserable. He did not start smiling when he was 'supposed to', he was never happy or at peace. No one understood why, and we still don't, but it went on for years. I was a wreck, I never slept and someone was always screaming in my ears and made me feel like I was useless and clueless. I gave birth to his sister after two years and she was the opposite, which made me realise that it was nothing I did wrong. That was a relief for me, to let go of some of the guilt. I felt so lonely during those first years, my family lives on the other side of the world and my partner had to work a lot to support us. The sleep deprivation was the worst and it changed me as a person, I did not recognise myself. Camilla https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/3d3c5d81-0ad4-4bd5-8fd4-f63af704597d/Rachel---150mm-by-150mm-with-3mm-bleed---LOW-resolution.jpg Blue Stories from the Bay of Plenty - “Be kind to ourselves. Notice the signs of overwhelm and set “stop” and take breaks. By caring for ourselves we teach our children to care for themselves too.” - Xingfang (Rachel) Cai Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/bbc61f96-ab48-40a9-a607-5fda9080c4ec/Sandra---Tauranga-Story---150mm-by-150mm-with-NO-BLEED.jpg Blue Stories from the Bay of Plenty - “You are not alone in feeling lost, alone and overwhelmed in your transition from woman to mother.” - Sandra Before children, I had in hindsight shaped my identity on my career and being fit and active. As newborn days turned into the reality of motherhood, I started to have feelings of exhaustion, tired-but-wired, loneliness and questions of, “who am I?” My identity had changed. I had to say goodbye to the old me and figure out who I was/ who I wanted to be. Early on in the first lockdown, I listened to a podcast about motherhood and stumbled across the word that changed my reality and mental wellbeing. That word is ‘matrescence,’ like ‘adolescence’. It is an acknowledgement of the transition from woman to mother, of the struggles we go through, the loss of identity, and the growth that is possible. Matrescence allowed my world to come back onto its axis. It made me feel normal, like I wasn’t alone and, most importantly, gave me hope. It allowed me to acknowledge where I was, what I was feeling and allowed me to find tools to help with the struggles. Now, on a daily basis, I have things in my tool box that will help me. Exercise, going for walks or to the gym, journalling, open communication with my partner, asking for help without feeling shame for needing to ask, gratitude, positive affirmation and catching my negative thoughts to reframe them to allow me to soften and be kind to myself, the kids and the situation. To know that in modern motherhood we are set up to feel this way and it is not our fault, it’s huge! Since finding matrescence and myself again, I have had a calling and passion to share this, and the tools I have found helpful, with other mums. I have started to embrace motherhood, to provide groups, safe spaces and coaching to other mums in a similar situation. I have walked this path and I love sharing it with other mums. Sandra https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/2fe81586-b604-415e-b59a-74c1dbaaac99/Sukhwant---Tauranga-Story---150mm-by-150mm-with-NO-BLEED.jpg Blue Stories from the Bay of Plenty - “As a twin mom I say, stay always positive. When you feel down or sad, see your baby.” - Sukhwant kaur Malhi Hi, this is Sukhwant kaur Malhi. I am a mother of twin baby boys. I am originally from India but moved to New Zealand in 2014. My husband also came, in 2015. We had our lovely twin sons on 28th of November, 2020. They were born premature at 32 weeks and two days, which was expected as they were twins. As I discussed with Michelle, I did not have any perinatal depression but at that time me and my husband were alone with this situation. Our family was in India, during the lockdown the border was closed. I did not feel any fear until I had given birth to my babies because my husband was always with me. As a lucky wife, he took care of me as a mother after my C-section. He took some days off from work to spend time with me and our babies. Since we were in special care in Tauranga, we had a good time as staff were so supportive but the day came when we were going home with babies, we were so excited and happy plus nervous. But once we came home we were not too bad, but no sleep or rest, and my husband again took one month off from work. But when he had to start work, I felt very nervous. Then we met Caroline, a social worker from the Mums4Mum group. They helped me a lot. Sukhwant kaur Malhi https://www.bluestoriesproject.com/blue-stories-from-the-central-lakes-otago-and-southland-regions daily 0.75 2023-02-20 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/fad68518-8e35-4ae5-a997-badc4d06f169/Anonymous+male+with+child+-+CLFS Blue Stories from the Central Lakes, Otago and Southland regions - “After the storm it is always calm.” - Anonymous We had decided before Covid 19 struck that we desperately needed a sea change, quite literally. Our time in Auckland was done. Our son had already been diagnosed with PK, a metabolic condition affecting his liver. Within 2 months of making the move we got the phone call that would completely upend our world. On the phone was one of our boy’s teachers from kindy; she told us he was having a seizure. We dropped everything and raced to kindy. A medevac flight to Dunedin hospital for my wife and our sweet boy and a couple of days later, we got a random call from his dietician team at Starship saying they had run tests and found that our boy was suffering from an extremely rare genetic disease called Tatton Brown Rahman syndrome. What the actual heck was going on?? We were in unfamiliar territory already, having moved to one of the most isolated and landlocked towns in NZ, and now this. With no family, no friends, no support network whatsoever, and the nearest hospital three hours away. We as husband and wife had drifted apart, with no time for ourselves or as a couple. The perfect nuclear family I had always dreamt of and pined for was slipping away. Reality never really had time to settle in because I found myself in one of two worlds - quite literally, fight or flight mode. There was no in-between, everything was happening at light speed, and the only way I responded to almost anything was reactive, tunnel-vision grasping onto bare survival mode. I had no time to step away from anything that was happening and digest my thoughts, feelings and actions without something getting thrown my way again and again. What, or who, was going to get me out of this chasm of endless struggle? I needed to find something or someone to help, but I had no one; well, at least that's what I was telling myself. I also needed to have something positive to focus on and help change the way I was seeing my world. Enter the good wolf and the bad wolf, and a guy named Joe. Joe told me I was on a clear and present path to redeeming myself, but first I had to understand the origin and cause of my reactive way of living. There was work to do. I was feeding the bad wolf compounded versions of everything that was happening inside and outside of me; I was unleashing the negative, giving it a voice and letting it all manifest. Continuing in this way meant certain unhappiness for myself and all those I cared for and loved. The bad wolf needed to be starved and the good wolf needed my attention, as my life depended on it. This way of looking at what was happening to me through this simple analogy has saved my life. I now feed only the good wolf. I allow myself to step away for a moment when I need to - to breathe, to feel, to always be present, and to write things down. I am in control of my life through a positive mental attitude. Through commitment and consistency every day I do the work, and I am rewarded for this by inner peace and a happiness in and outside of myself. I owe this to myself to be present, always. I owe Joe for showing me. I owe my wife and our beautiful children for this life for which I am eternally grateful. Anonymous https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/ad478780-f99d-4076-8fb3-59c8f09f7def/Ruth-----150mm-by-150mm-with-3mm-bleed.jpg Blue Stories from the Central Lakes, Otago and Southland regions - “Sharing how our day is going, whether good, bad, ugly or messy, is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of community. We are made to be able to support each other in the highs and lows. Never let the thoughts in your head conquer the emotions of your heart.” - Ruth Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/790f179e-844e-4a33-ba7c-51f51b0b03b5/Alexandra----150mm-by-150mm-with-3mm-bleed---FOR-WEB.jpg Blue Stories from the Central Lakes, Otago and Southland regions - “Find someone you trust to talk through what is making you feel anxious and allow yourself to feel your feelings. Always seek support from your GP, so that you can receive the support that is available.” - Alexandra In hindsight, there were many warning signs. Leading up to their birth I knew I had a high chance of developing postpartum depression. I’d had a complicated twin pregnancy that saw my boys arrive 10 weeks early via emergency c-section. I researched signs and symptoms and talked with those close to me to keep a lookout, but I knew nothing about postpartum anxiety (PPA). For much of the first two years of my parenting journey, I had this tension in my chest like someone was tying a knot tighter and tighter. My boys brought me so much joy, but when they would go to sleep, the tension would begin. I wasn't able to sleep much, as I would worry about so much. Were they breathing? Was the house spotless? Did I look presentable? Was I making the best choices so that they would thrive? Was I doing this motherhood job right? I was in a constant state of worry that somehow, after everything that my boys had gone through to survive their pregnancy, I would somehow do something wrong that would take it all away. I avoided going out with the boys as much as possible as I was worried about germs and their premature immune systems. I often invited people to our house as I preferred staying in my environment where I knew how to manage life’s variables and my feelings of anxiety were lessened. As the months went on, feeling anxious about all things relating to my children was my new normal. I didn’t really question my feelings, as I thought that this was just how mothers felt. I didn’t hear other parents talking about their challenges and I was not going to be the person that started the conversation. I was ‘fine’. I felt that if I expressed my feelings of discontent, I would appear ungrateful for my children. I lived in these feelings for over two years, unable to voice my feelings as I didn’t understand why I had all these anxious feelings. I noticed that as my boys grew more independent, my feelings of anxiety about their safety faded and I became more relaxed. I also made a friendship with another mum whom I felt comfortable talking to about the day to day challenges of motherhood. Over time, I found the constant tension that I felt dissipated and eventually I found a sense of calm. I wish I knew about postpartum anxiety prior to becoming a parent so that I could access support and lessen the feelings of isolation that I lived in. I experienced so much joy, love and happiness while at the same time experiencing PPA. Alexandra https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/4dce5d78-971a-470d-9f3a-41cd66fbc9c2/Derrin+and+her+child Blue Stories from the Central Lakes, Otago and Southland regions - “Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” - Derrin In 2018 at the age of 23, I found out in the hospital that I was pregnant an hour before giving birth to my daughter. I arrived at the hospital around 3:30am and gave birth to my daughter at 4:36am and just like that I was a solo parent to a very tiny, very beautiful baby girl. That was the moment I got out of my antenatal depression. My parents, sibling and extended family arrived in the hospital around 6:30 that morning to meet our little surprise baby and at around 8:30 she was helicoptered to Dunedin NICU. I think I was extremely lucky after the unexpected birth of my daughter to have experienced not only the love, support and understanding I received from my family, friends and community, but also to have experienced the deep love and emotional bond with my daughter from the moment I saw her alive and well. I know not every mother instantly feels that love and connection or is able to get out of perinatal depression the same way I did, so I feel very fortunate in my own story. But to touch on my own antenatal depression, it wasn't until I fell pregnant a couple of years later, after which I had an abortion, that I could see and understand that I was experiencing antenatal depression. Being aware of the pregnancy the second time around, allowed me to reflect on the experience I had during my first. It also helped me to see that what I was feeling was not a part of me but symptoms of pregnancy. Although knowing that the second time around didn't subdue my feelings of hopelessness and depression, it did help me to see that antenatal depression was something that eventually would pass. It didn't make the extreme lows any easier, but it did give me something to hold on to throughout. Having this newfound awareness shone a light on how severe my antenatal depression was during my first pregnancy and how it presented. If I had of had this understanding of antenatal depression I think my first pregnancy would have gone differently and I would have been aware of the fact that I was actually pregnant. During my first pregnancy, I became withdrawn, detached and at times very suicidal. I struggled to understand, or cope with, how I was feeling. I lacked any desire to do anything and could not see a future for myself, let alone a future with a child. I thought I was crazy, depressed and that my life was worthless. When I fell pregnant the second time, those feelings came flooding back. But because I had knowledge and a greater understanding, and was able to compare it to my first pregnancy, I knew that those feelings weren't me but they were happening to me which is why I wish to share my story in the hopes that I may shed some light on someone going through a similar experience. Derrin https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/e8454550-9a18-4d49-a1c1-0da40a969e23/Lisa+and+her+daughter Blue Stories from the Central Lakes, Otago and Southland regions - “Choosing wisely and trusting your antenatal providers should assist in recognising, relieving and treating your anxieties. Having your feeling acknowledged is what good maternity care should look like. This may prevent, and provide early intervention for, any ongoing postnatal issues.” - Lisa Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/88610a9e-93ab-4562-a81f-d84764b777d7/Mary----150mm-by-150mm-with-3mm-bleed+-+LOW+RESOLUTION.jpg Blue Stories from the Central Lakes, Otago and Southland regions - “I feel joy in my heart; I speak my truth with love.” - Mary I’m sitting in the doctor's office with my little boy, Arthur. I can feel the weight of his 10 month old body pressing onto my lap, moving and wriggling around, as he optimistically reaches for the stethoscope that is placed on the desk. “I just can’t make a decision about it, I have been to every nursery I can and have spent months trying to decide. I keep saying to myself, just pick one, it doesn’t have to be perfect, I can always change it if it doesn’t work, it’s not forever. And then 10 minutes or a day later I’m back thinking about which one I should choose again”. Dr Rigg looks at me and says six words that I have never considered before: “It sounds like postnatal anxiety”. Leaving the doctor’s office I’m perplexed. I know about postnatal depression, but how have I never heard of postnatal anxiety before?! Some weeks later I have five minutes to spare so I walk into Queenstown Library. The low mumbles of conversation, the slow, calm feel in there is a noticeable contrast to the noisy, frazzled, racing feel of home with a baby. I search through the mixture of old and new books and pick up a thinnish book, blue-grey in colour, with the words in bold print across the cover ‘The Anxiety Toolkit’. This one looks just right. As I read along I realise that this book is describing me, like it knows who I am and how I do things. I start to recall past experiences that I now have new language to describe, words like avoidance, perfectionism, repetitive thoughts and independence become scattered through my memories, and I recognise that I was anxious even before having Arthur, I just didn’t know it then. I learn that these are all coping mechanisms trying to protect me from what my mind deems a threat. And so, with this little bundle of chaos in my arms, not responding to my ideas, resisting my efforts, causing me to doubt myself and not trust my thoughts, I can’t put together a picture of perfection anymore. And without this shield of perfection my world is falling down around me. But strangely enough, as I learn more and piece more together, I now have a sense of relief inside me, a little glimmer of hope. It’s small, gold, sparkly and bright, and even when I can’t see it, I can feel it, I know it’s there. For the first time I get why having a baby has felt so difficult for me, and it’s not just because ‘I have a baby, of course it’s hard’. With this new understanding, I also have the possibility of figuring out new and better ways of dealing with what I am feeling anxious about. I start catching myself when I’m avoiding something and talk to a friend about what I’m afraid of. I notice when my thoughts are racing round and round, and I journal to slow them down, getting them out of my head and onto paper. I now ask myself if I am striving for perfection, and what would good enough look like? As I sit here in my living room 4 years on, I know that Arthur and I are in this together. He was exactly the baby he was meant to be. He sees the light in me, and I trust him to take me on this journey. Because it’s all still me, anxious or not, exactly the way I am meant to be, just like this and without any changes. I am perfectly good enough, just being me. Mary https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/7feb9969-ac63-4a89-aeee-502f1d647a49/Luana---150mm-by-150mm-with-3mm-bleed---LOW-resolution.jpg Blue Stories from the Central Lakes, Otago and Southland regions - “You are not alone, and you don't need to deal with this on your own.” - Luana “Você não está sozinha, e você não precisa lidar com isso sozinha.” - Luana Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/d5e93e8e-d629-485e-88c9-421aa19d3412/Anna+and+her+child Blue Stories from the Central Lakes, Otago and Southland regions - “Share the joy so then you can also share your grief.” - Anna Once you experience frequent loss, there is no joy in pregnancy. Everything is a worry; what if I eat the wrong thing, enjoy sex too much, what if I go swimming and a bug makes it past the mucus plug, what if I actually hope that I might finally have a baby to hold… and then I don’t. You aren’t interested in setting up the nursery in case things don’t turn out, and I certainly didn’t want any type of fuss like a baby shower, because I couldn’t let myself believe that after all of this I might have a baby to hold – hope was too much of a risk. James and I never had a problem getting pregnant – which was a blessing because we knew we could. The problem was solely with me being able to hold a baby past the first trimester. You know, the time when they tell you to keep it a secret. The time when they tell you it isn’t a ‘baby’, just a bunch of cells that may turn out to be ‘not viable’. It is these common, clinical phrases which exacerbate the loneliness of early pregnancy loss, and I would know; we have had eight pregnancies and we have been blessed with two beautiful children. But experiencing all of our losses, knowing it is a problem with my body was difficult. What was wrong with me as a woman? The best advice I ever received was after loss number three, from my midwife: she suggested we start sharing the joy of our pregnancy as soon as we knew, so then we would be able to share the grief of our losses too. This was a simple suggestion which provided a solution to how we were offered support. Because when you experience early loss, loneliness is a constant companion: Being alone at the hospital waiting for your early pregnancy care appointment because you are a ‘geriatric mother with complications’ while watching happy families with new-borns come out of the maternity ward; Being alone in a sterile room, sitting in a pool of blood while the A & E doctor goes on a ‘mining’ expedition for leftover ‘matter’ from a miscarriage (complete with head torch); Being left alone by your midwife once the loss is confirmed because I won’t be providing any income to her now; Being alone at home suffering through a miscarriage and wondering if it is ‘bad enough’ to warrant a trip to the hospital, or if I should just wait it out, as this isn’t the first time; Being alone at the scan to confirm there is no heartbeat; Being alone at home in pain as you lose your baby again; Being alone with your loss and grief because you’re not supposed to talk about these things before 12 weeks; and being alone in a hospital ward after a D & C, or after a severe ectopic and losing a fallopian tube. The thing is – we all think having a baby is going to be easy. I want miscarriage and loss to be openly discussed and normalised so when people share the joy of pregnancy at whatever stage, they can also be supported when required during their loss. Anna https://www.bluestoriesproject.com/blue-stories-from-the-marlborough-region daily 0.75 2023-02-20 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/28ad068b-8b8b-4768-a658-a7bbf17b55c5/Jeremy+and+his+partner Blue Stories from the Marlborough region - “Our main advice is, you don't have to battle alone. Seek help and find a supportive community that rises to the occasion to help out.” - Jeremy Angeline and I were new parents and quickly found ourselves struggling. It wasn't until a conversation with my employer about being unable to come to some work shifts that he asked if my wife had PND. I wasn't even aware that was a thing. Once we were in a place where we recognised that the anxiety and depression was there, I was able to reach out to Postnatal Depression Marlborough and seek an appointment with a lovely counselor, Tatiana. Angeline was initially reluctant to attend, but after the session we both felt relieved to know that our experience wasn't unique to just us and that there was support available. Angeline joined a support group with other young mums and, fast forward four years, is today the chairperson of what is now the Maternal Mental Wellbeing Marlborough Trust. The peace and joy in our home dramatically improved after we sought help, our two boys are now both school age and we have been married just over nine years. We would like to see awareness of postnatal anxiety and depression increase in the community and among expecting couples. We would also like to see support groups actively engaging these young parents in the community. Jeremy https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/6eb31590-6f92-47be-9c24-5475db7bca58/Angeline Blue Stories from the Marlborough region - “You can love motherhood! It starts with taking care of you.” - Angeline Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://www.bluestoriesproject.com/blue-stories-from-the-wellington-region daily 0.75 2023-02-21 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/4d74963a-7bab-47c6-a4ff-661307a2fdff/Kate+-+Wellington+Story+-+150mm+by+150mm+with+NO+BLEED.jpg Blue Stories from the Wellington region - “Birth trauma - it's never your fault and you're never alone.” - Kate Across the world, and Aotearoa, the idea and experience of birth trauma is slowly coming into the light. Birth trauma can feel like a shadow of shame, guilt, regret, confusion or horror that, until recently, didn't even have a name. My own experience has led me to work across Aotearoa giving a name to this experience, shining a light on it and dispelling the shame, offering comfort, and advocating for change. My birth experience was tricky and left me feeling "wobbly" but without being able to "put a finger on it" let alone name it. Fast forward four months and I'd learned about the concept of birth trauma. Fast forward two years and I'd created the My Birth Story website - an Aotearoa-specific site that offers comfort, validation and support following negative or traumatic birth experiences. Fast forward six years and I'd created Birth Trauma Aotearoa - a charitable trust dedicated to advocacy, education, research and support around both physical and psychological birth trauma. I could see the need, and I knew what that need felt like, so I decided to do something about it. Birth trauma is prolific and the ripples of its impacts reach into, and beyond, the wider whānau. Birth trauma is never the birthing person's fault - it's a very, very natural reaction to highly stressful events at one of the most vulnerable times in our lives; It's our body and brain trying to protect us. We don't have to live with this shadow - we are not alone and we deserve support. Healing is a journey, not an end point, and my own healing has come with the help of doing this mahi - the privilege and responsibility of doing this work isn't lost on me. Kate https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/e5638b93-e0a1-4a02-bbf0-7b85792c578b/Luke---Wellington-Story---150mm-by-150mm-with-NO-BLEED.jpg Blue Stories from the Wellington region - “No matter how important you think your job is, being a father and a husband is the most important job you will have in this life. It’s really important to look after ourselves physically, mentally and spiritually.” - Luke Ehara taku toa i te toa takitahi engari he toa takimano. My Strength, is not that of an individual, but that of the collective. In my previous life I was a senior advisor working in government service as part of our National Security workforce. I resigned to become a full-time ‘stay-at-home dad’ around the birth of my second daughter in 2017. After a seven-year career journey into and out of intelligence work, I was pretty burned out and I decided that it was probably a good idea to rebalance, put family first and support my wife’s return to her career. So, I resigned to become a stay at home dad. It was going to be a good change. It was going to be awesome. I had no idea just how tough an assignment I had signed up for! So yeah, my former colleagues and team mates were surprised, but at farewell drinks they were all like “Yeah, this is going to be awesome! Go stay-at-home dads! I’m so jealous! I wish I could leave and do that!” (I had a reputation for taking on the tough assignments!) What I didn’t realise at the time, when my second daughter was born, I was already on a downward trajectory quickly becoming massively depressed after years of suppressing my emotions in my old job… and all of that was now catching up with me. I found it really hard to bond with my new baby girl and I was becoming this disengaged, oftentimes angry and frustrated dad who hated himself, having these random violent anger outbursts when I occasionally emerged from depression and emotional exhaustion. Six months went by in a hazy blur. I struggled with my self-esteem and mental state. I constantly stumbled looking back instead of forward. Inevitably, I grieved for my previous work-life balance and rewarding career. Having left ‘such an important job’ so us spooks were constantly told, I now genuinely felt I had failed and given up achieving anything remotely equal in value in the eyes of a modern society that celebrated the ‘career dad who has it all’. My marriage and family life were under incredible strain and I felt the intense shame and guilt of my depression and random angry outbursts. I believed I was letting my family down and I felt like I was failing at the one very important job I didn’t want to screw up: fatherhood. I wanted to quit everything because my family, my girls, even my in-laws were seeing me at my absolute worst. I thought I was screwing my daughters up. At my worst, I believed the lie that they would be better off without me… guilt and social isolation was the final straw. Finally, I sought help. The community of specialists and counsellors were always there ready to pick me up. In my previous career, I took for granted the wrap-around support of experienced colleagues and counsellors to call on during times of incredible stress where we needed additional support for our thankless work in the shadows. Having left that close-knit community behind, I would now have to forge new networks of friends, other young families, and tap into local community support providers. I would need them now more than ever… Initially, to deal with my anger outbursts, I confided in a friend who was a family violence counsellor who quickly identified my battle with the ‘man box’ and the incredibly high expectations I had put on myself. Also noticing my obvious depression, he wisely referred me to mental health services, and I began a recovery process with a psychologist. Signing up to group therapy sessions with other men struggling with anger also really helped me gain understanding and a newfound perspective on my struggle with the false expectation that men shouldn’t cry, shouldn’t express emotion or admit to a season of weakness. I realised that even though (before marriage and kids) I had been physically and mentally broken, now it seemed as a stay-at-home dad with two girls under five I was really just mentally exhausted and spiritually broken. I realised I needed to start again, be rebuilt, made stronger and re-constructed with the true identity of ultimately who God says I am, and NOT what I was comparing myself to… (other working career dads who still ‘had it all’). I rediscovered my true spiritual identity: I am not the ashamed broken-down father, I’m called to care for my family all the while being very careful with my health and wellbeing so as to be strong for my family and community. I started a local dads’ coffee group, Wai Dadz, and then organised a massive bonfire and BBQ in a paddock just for the dads without their kids. It was epic. Men sharing just as men. The older dads encouraging us younger dads. It was the space we needed to create. We all realised as fathers we can’t put our mental or physical health on the back-burner, we need to look after ourselves for our families and for the wellbeing of future generations. If you’re going through a rough parenting season don’t give up! Keep going but do speak up, reach out and keep seeking help. As a father you hold incredible value, the work may be thankless and at times unrecognised, but know that you are an essential asset for your community and an inspiration for future generations of Kiwi world-changers. Your best years as a father are always ahead of you. Luke https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/adf153a8-105d-4fee-9d73-03eb4b85c222/Jay--Wellington-Story---150mm-by-150mm-with-NO-BLEED.jpg Blue Stories from the Wellington region - “Those who are feeling all alone, overwhelmed, unsupported or struggling- HOLD ON it gets better and REACH OUT.” - Jay I had my daughter in 2017 and everything in my birth plan went wrong. I ended up with a sick baby in SCBU and no support. I wasn't being listened to and I had to fight constantly with everyone around me, including the hospital staff. I struggled with breastfeeding but it was really important to me and this created tension and stress. I myself lacked confidence at being a new mum especially of a sick baby. Everything was overwhelming and I felt like I had no one to help me. I was all alone, exhausted and my stress levels were out of control. Worse than that my baby suffered colic, eczema and allergies. She screamed all night and often we were in and out of hospital with her allergies. Even after a year I was averaging 3-4 hours sleep a night. Sleep deprivation is extremely tough mentally. At the time nobody seemed to understand me and even though it was obvious something wasn't right, nobody stepped in to help me. I had to help myself. Do not be afraid of getting help for yourself when things aren't right. Somehow someone recommended Greenstone Doors where I met Wendy for counselling. I was finally heard and her support was a lifeline. She diagnosed me with PND and PTSD and it was her diagnosis of PTSD which helped me get better. She became more than just my counsellor and now I call her my friend. She was also there when we were devastated by the loss of our son Teddy at 16 weeks, who came too early last year. I called her straight away and she was supportive in my grief, heartache and sickness. I had a friend who was also struggling with new motherhood at the same time as me. She was diagnosed with PND and was also stressed and overwhelmed with a constantly crying baby. She unfortunately ended up committing suicide, leaving her 2 babies behind which was a huge shock. I hope this doesn't happen to any other families out there. My advice for those who are feeling all alone, overwhelmed, unsupported or struggling is to HOLD ON it gets better and REACH OUT. Reach out to be listened to, make sure you are heard and helped. Today I am a confident, happy Mum. My daughter is my greatest joy and we have great times together filled with laughter, amazing moments, hugs, snuggles and so much love. Jay https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/9384623d-777c-4623-8953-baec0aa6de62/Georgie---Wellington-Story---150mm-by-150mm-with-NO-BLEED.jpg Blue Stories from the Wellington region - “Forgive yourself and look for life lines.” - Georgie Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/8672ed81-efd8-4389-b5d5-a12120e66fe7/Abby Blue Stories from the Wellington region - “Learn to talk, to break down those barriers that stop you from sharing. Telling the right people what my deepest thoughts were and receiving understanding, support and guidance saved my life more than anything else. It still does.” - Abby My journey with perinatal mental distress started not long after our first pregnancy, which we lost. I never stopped to process the impact of this. We went on to have our second pregnancy only a few months after our first loss, so my mind was taken up with the joys of a new baby. We birthed a beautiful daughter, followed by a second miscarriage and then two beautiful boys. This happened in the space of 5 years. Through this time, although I loved being a mama, my mental well-being deteriorated more than I could see from the middle of it. When our youngest was six months old, my husband and I both hit rock bottom. As heartbreaking as that moment was, this was also the beginning of healing for us. I remember that night, as my husband broke down in the office, I was filled with guilt, feeling that it was my fault. I walked into the living room where my parents were, we told them what was going on and I remember my mum advised us in that moment to go to the movies, watch something funny and we can touch base about it after. I remember being so stunned, I never expected that suggestion to be given in a moment of such distress. My husband and I did as she said, we watched Guardians of the Galaxy and went from broken hearts crying with each other to sitting next to each other with some laughter. I'm so grateful for that moment as it broke the tension and gave us both some time to gather ourselves. Following that we met with health professionals, and had a family/friend meeting led by a wonderful social worker. We came up with a six-week plan to help my husband and I get back on our feet. We learnt a lot about the support my husband was needing alongside the support I was getting. I started researching into depression and anxiety, coming across Dr Caroline Leaf on YouTube. I watched her videos and tried to apply her teachings around challenging thoughts as best as I could. Thankfully we were also able to find a supportive GP who worked closely with us in a long term medical and wellness plan. I learnt to talk, I started sharing my thoughts with my husband and my family who were able to help with my processing and perspectives. Although I have been blessed to have a supportive family, and eventually was able to get helpful professional help, the road was certainly challenging. There were many days where I couldn't get out of bed, weeks full of dark intrusive thoughts. I had feelings that I was failing and a burden and constantly on a rollercoaster that never stopped and I had no control over. I just had to look at one day at a time, hope that one day it will be better. Eventually I was in a healthier space, using the tools I had gained along the way. I started to hear stories from other mothers experiencing what I had been through, falling through the same gaps. I really didn't want other parents to get to where my husband and I got to before getting help, so along with two friends, we identified the common themes and gaps in our community and started a charity called The Ruth Project. We proposed to support parents going through perinatal distress and hope that we can be a preventative service for severe mental distress, and see parents healed and in control of their wellbeing much sooner. Helping others is what pulled me through that last major hurdle, feeling like I had something to give, something beyond being a mum and surviving every day. I still have my moments where my mental well-being can go downhill but I learnt a lot through my journey. I have a great toolbox and a strong village around me to help in those times, but I also value the ability to give to others and what that has brought into my life. Abby https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/172c463a-97be-4cac-a236-f74d1f30c8ce/Anonymous Blue Stories from the Wellington region - “There are people wanting to help. If you get turned away, keep seeking support. (...) We are not made to walk through life alone and we have a right to find tools that speak truth to our thoughts of aloneness.” - Anonymous I, in no doubt, found strength from my past therapy and mental health journey but even if you haven’t experienced distress before you can equip yourself with tools. Mindfulness within distress grounded me such as TIP (temperature change, intense exercise, paced breathing). Seeking help from friends and family and mental health support. Admitting it’s hard and staying off social media and recognising that comparison was taking away my joy has been key. If you don’t have a support system, seek for people to advocate for you and form one. Vulnerability and asking for help has gifted me with a support system and friends I can have honest chats with. Asking for help to fold the clothing washing was a life-saver some days. Linking in with therapy to process the triggers affecting me. Montessori floor bed co-sleeping saved my sleep. Surprisingly, cloth nappies kept me in routine with the wash routine and I had a focus daily to keep on top of it. Getting out when I could and participating in groups and learning to focus on the curiosity of my child’s development and fellow māmās with babies around the same age. Tapping into the wellness model, te whare tapa wha, and framing my mindset around that and how to balance all parts of me. There are hard days physically for me, and hormonally. I just need to have a good cry, so talking about emotion openly with my daughter and having books to read together. Ditching ‘you’re ok’ as a response and respecting acknowledging emotions when they arise for both of us has been so beneficial. Also resting when I can, and having a safe play zone at home when I need extra self care and a restful day at home. PJ days are welcome in my house, without guilt. But when they end up being days or weeks on end, do seek help because depression can be treated even when breastfeeding. You have got this and there are people wanting to help. If you get turned away, keep seeking support. If it becomes exhausting, seek people to do the advocating for you. Get the food parcel. Get the WINZ support. We are not made to walk through life alone and we have a right to find tools that speak truth to our thoughts of aloneness. I’ve come to realise that suicidal thoughts are part of our human condition, they need to be acknowledged and the truth about who you are needs to triumph above them. I call myself a trauma-informed parent and value EMDR therapy with a trusted clinician to tackle the battles we face. Sharing my love for swimming and art with my daughter has been connecting and life-giving for me. Find your things again, and share them. I became a mum after years of preparation with drug changes and therapy, and felt ready to venture into motherhood with a support team by my side. Little did I know what the experience of low milk supply would feel like. Due to outdated support, I had a drug suppressing the supply and travelled five weeks determined to get milk flowing for my pēpē. That was all I focused on. It was frustrating, yet I found I was determined and stronger than I ever thought I was, having learnt short term pain for long term gain. Even with medication on board, I experienced in the following weeks a whirlwind of mental distress. Thankfully, I was hyper-aware of it all and was able to tap into my support team to navigate it. Having been in and out of hospital pre-baby meant that I was high risk. Perinatally, I initially experienced hyper-mania and was extremely productive! Thankfully, my husband and I noticed this and I was able to utilise mindfulness and DBT skills I had learnt in therapy to navigate through it. It wasn’t until questions of work and "are you going back to work" arose that the anxiety stepped up, followed swiftly by doubting thoughts of depression. Those questions came with what felt like an expectation from society, that I had a career, that I was successful pre-baby. The fact was, I struggled for years to get to a healthy place to have our baby and didn’t have much thought for how I would work to support our family. Financial pressure has always been hard on us, but I had functioned for years with very little, but given the rising costs of our new family life I got why people asked, but it didn’t make it any easier to face the reality of my dysfunction and disability in life. Mental health is always the forefront of my experience and life balance. I take drugs daily, and was wishing I could walk out the door with confidence. I grew weary and learnt ways to defer these questions, as I had all my twenties having presented as fully functioning for years, but truly curled up in my bed in a vulnerable feral position for years both literally and in my heart and mind. Mental distress froze me, and I was determined it wouldn’t freeze me again, or lock me in my trauma. Thankfully, my baby would be always be there, keeping me awake and edging me out of the house or simply slowing me down to connect with her beauty and development. I ended up bed-sharing to cope with sleep and it was the best decision for our bonding and making sure I got sleep. Also routine and simplifying life has been key to my mental health as a mother. Anonymous https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/93352e14-bebe-4584-a73e-bacd0b645854/Anonymoue Blue Stories from the Wellington region - “You are not a monster. You are a good mum. Reach out to someone. Tell them you are hurting. And if they don’t listen, tell someone else. This will pass. But you need to accept help, and that’s ok.” - Anonymous Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6089f81aa4fc7856db366bdd/f6914c99-0859-4cc3-9566-00f4f57576c2/Shelley---Wellington-Story---150mm-by-150mm-with-NO-BLEED.jpg Blue Stories from the Wellington region - “Remember what I say: *NAME,* you have to know, remember and believe that you are amazing. You are special and precious, treasured and valued, you are important and you are absolutely totally worthwhile XOOX.. I hope you know that I really love you loads and I am proud of you XOOX.” - Shelley Tobias Keene, D.D.S. Hailing from Richmond, Virginia, Dr. Tobias Keene brings a bit of unabashed Southern hospitality to all his patients. He moved to Washington, D.C. over thirty years ago as a freshman at Ivy College. Right after graduation, he attended World University’s School of Dentistry. Before opening Keene Dental in 1994, he worked for free clinics and some of the finest practices in the District. He is part of the 123 Dental Association and stays up-to-date on the latest dental discoveries. When not striving to keep his patients happy and healthy, he’s enjoys hiking with his family in Rock Creek Park.